Last week was tough, this week is tougher. Bye weeks are never fun, but they definitely make it more important to pick-up, sit and start the right people. You are gonna have to find that diamond in the rough this week to beat that opponent who somehow still has all his starters playing.
Let’s check the stats. Last week I told you to start JT O’Sullivan, and while 257 yards and 1 TD ain’t bad, 2 picks is (Push). I also told you to start Reggie Bush (Loser), start Steve Smith (Winner), sit Brian Griese (Winner) and sit Matt Forte (Winner). Season record 8-9-3.
Sit QB Carson Palmer: Yes, I do think he is going to start, but no I don’t think he will finish the game. Dallas is that good, and a 75% Palmer this season with that running back and Mr. Cinco just isn’t going to get it done. Diggles line: 175 yards, 1 TD, 1 pick.
Start QB Jake Delhomme: The boys are back in town. Muhsin and Smith are on fire, KC’s D is porous at best, and the run game is a-runnin. Diggles line: 300 yards, 2 TDs, 0 picks.
Last week Tasty Booze readers decided beer was more important to them (55%) than their very own robot assistant. Our readers may be biased, however, given that they come to a site called Tasty Booze on a daily basis. So I am pretty impressed that the robot assistant even garnered 45% of the vote. You have to admit, your very own robot would be awesome. No more laundry, no more dishes, no more grocery shopping, no more tieing your shoes. The possibilities are endless.
Moving on, and since tonight is the vice presidential debate, our theme is: stupid things that tangentially have to do with the VP candidates.
“Would you rather have to live where it is freezing and snowing year-round (Palin) or commute 90 minutes to and from work everyday (Biden)?”
Mitch Martin: “So you know it gets warm in Alaska during the summer right?” J Diggles: “Shut up and answer question. You’re not better than me.”
Baba Ganoush: “90 minutes of grueling traffic?” J Diggles: “Half and half.”
Getting stuck behind a dump-truck is usually a driver’s worst nightmare. You’re constantly fearing that when the dump-truck picks up speed,you’re going to be bobbing-and-weaving to avoid trash coming at you. Then there’s the smell…ugh. Well, at least this dump-truck driver had a little fun with someone’s old blow-up doll. The real question is, did someone throw it away blown up or was it inflated by the driver?
The Drunk History is a favorite here at TastyBooze, so here’s another installment, this time focusing on William Henry Harrison. Harrison was the 9th President of the United States and the first, and only (until McCain if he wins), President to die in office. For our previous posts on Drunk History, check them out here.
What could possibly be a bat-shit-crazy Floridian is claiming that five women, four of whom where lacking bras or shirts, robbed him while he was riding his bike.
Olmer Morales of the 5300 block of Southeast Driftwood Avenue was riding his bike to work early Saturday morning when a heavy-set blonde haired woman wearing a white long sleeved shirt and overalls stopped him and grabbed the handle bars to his bike on the corner of Southeast Ebbtide Avenue and Southeast Salerno Street, according to the report.
Once the woman stopped him, four thin blonde haired women wearing overalls with no shirts and no bras surrounded him and stole the $100 in his back pocket, Morales told deputies according to the report.
I would like to believe Mr. Morales but the story just seems a little fishy. If four ladies are just putting their breasts out there why wouldn’t they be the ones to stop the bike? If the women had just said “Hi” I guarantee Olmer would have stopped his bike. Obviously the heavyset woman wearing a shirt was the enforcer but I just don’t think she stops the bike.
On the other hand maybe it’s true. I mean if it was just some gang-banger with a gun that jacked his $100 why would he tell the cops such a ridiculous story?
Maybe Olmer was just confusing his bike ride to work with what happened at the strip club the night before. Maybe some topless ladies did end up with Olmer’s $100 but he doesn’t want his wife to know he was hanging out at the nudie bar so he substituted his bike ride to work as the money transfer point.
I am having a birthday party on October 17th 2008. it is my 25th Birthday and i am looking for a few clowns to roam around my party and make people feel uncomfortable. I have a lot of weird friends and a lot of straight laced friends so some will be easier to “drive nuts” than others. The age range of people their will be from 18-40 years old. the general idea hear is to creep all of my friends out and have most of them ask “why is this clown following me around?” This is what i want for my birthday and it is not a joke.
DESCRIPTION OF CLOWN DUTIES AT THE PARTY:
-make people feel uncomfortable.
-follow guests around.
-come dressed in full clown costume with face painted in a SAD FACE style.
-must act the part of a depressed lonely clown.
-wander around the party and create awkward situations with guests.
-make balloon animals and give them to people especially if they dont want them. (YOU DONT HAVE TO KNOW HOW TO MAKE REAL BALLOON ANIMALS JUST OFF HE TOP OF YOUR HEAD.)this maybe optional, we will talk about it if hired.
-do not speak to anyone unless you feel it will enhance the creepiness of the clown situation.
-and ect. improvisation. if you have ideas to make this weirder than it already is for people at the party let me know.
TIME:
Clowns hired are to show up at the location at 7pm and remain at the party until ATLEAST midnight, you can stay longer if you would like.
PAY:
$80 for each clown. plus free food and free alcohol (drinking on the job is recommended)
ALSO:
if you are not a clown but rather a magician or other type of strange charactered individual respond to this post because their maybe a position for you aswell at the same pay rate.
THANKS FOR READING PLEASE RESPOND BEFORE OCTOBER 10th
Alright, I gotta be honest. If I had a clown costume and lived near Tustin, CA, I’d definitely be up for this gig. I could easily drink over $80 in alcohol in 5 hours, and the free food is just icing on the cake. Kizza, I’m going to be disappointed if you don’t try to land this job. Thanks for the email.
Last week you made it clear: Playboy parties are better than the Super Bowl. They are way, way better - 82% to 18%. I would enjoy both, no doubt, but you could technically go to the Super Bowl every year if you wanted to. If you somehow sneak into a Playboy party, on the other hand, there is no way you are ever getting back.
But if you thought those two options were less than likely in your real life, try this.
“Would you rather have a full-time robot assistant or a lifetime’s supply of free beer in the fridge?”
Mitch Martin: “Do I get to pick the beer type and can it change?” J Diggles: “Yes.”
Baba Ganoush: “Can’t I just send the robot to the store to get me beer?” J Diggles: “Sure, but you better give it some cash first.”
Mr Wonka: “What kinda robot are we talking about here?” J Diggles: “Don’t be inappropriate Wonka. Think C-3PO.”
Mike Honcho: “What are the chances of the robot turning on me?” J Diggles: “2-3%.”
This dickberg was photographed off Antartica in the Bransfield Strait. It is now clear that global warming is real and instead of severe climate change, disturbing storm patterns, rising tides and massive agricultural shifts, the primary threats facing the world are giant ice penises. Prepare yourself.
Apparently there are some people that don’t like Will Ferrell. Well, you know we do. The funniest part actually comes at the end when Will Ferrell asks a question to someone off-camera. Hilarious.
Last week was tough, this week is tougher. Bye weeks are never fun, but they definitely make it more important to pick-up, sit and start the right people. You are gonna have to find that diamond in the rough this week to beat that opponent who somehow still has all his starters playing.
Loading …
