It’s laser engraved on the side, hence official. You can’t argue with that.
If you fancy yourself a little bit of a Jack Bauer of even a McGyver you might want to add this “bomb defuser” to kit of stuff that you carry around just in case you need to save the day. This official defuser comes with all the shit you will need to defuse a bomb. It’s got wire cutters, pliers, phillips and flat head screwdrivers, a few knife blades and some other bullshit. It should be noted that this does not come with any kind of instructions on how to actually defuse a bomb. So when the shit hits the fan and the timer is counting down you are still going to have to decide whether you cut the red wire or the blue wire. This official bomb defuser is going for about $22 after shipping but I am sure you could pick up a multi-tool that is probably better for about $10 at your local Home Depot.
The Banpresto DangerBomb Clock is built to let you get your Jack Bauer on every morning. The DangerBomb has three different colored lights and three corresponding wires that can be disconnected. When the alarm goes off you have to figure out which light is on and then disconnect the matching wire. If you fail (Dammit! Jack Bauer never fails!) the DangerBomb “will continue to make loud explosion noises.“
Saving the world every morning doesn’t come cheap. The DangerBomb is going to set you back $59.99. If diffusing a novelty bomb alarm clock doesn’t get your brain going every morning I don’t know what would.
Honcho is going to cream his jeans when he reads this post. Jack Bauer is going to be back for two hours of ass kicking prequel action this fall. Everyone knows that season 7 of 24 was delayed until 2009 because of the writers strike and Fox not wanting to air an incomplete season. Well the producers of 24 haven’t spent their time with their thumbs up their asses. They have been working on a two hour prequel that will bridge the gap between season 6 and seaon 7. They are currently working to secure all of the core actors for the two hour movie that will be aired this fall.
I am already excited about this. I am not as die hard a fan as Honcho but I do love to see Bauer kicking some ass. Two straight hours of Bauer might cause my head to explode. Let’s get this thing filmed before Bauer goes on another bender and ends up in jail for attacking a Christmas tree.
This story is awesome. Any one who reads this site knows that we are huge fans of Jack Bauer. As of now I am also a huge fan of Edgar Sullivan.
According to charging documents, Sullivan was driving his Ford Escape on Interstate 95 last February when he struck Cantoral’s van. Cantoral left the highway and was struck a second time before he drove over a grass median strip and fled on foot into the lobby of the Patuxent Institution Correctional Facility. Sullivan followed Cantoral inside and tried to assault him, shouting “he’s a terrorist,” according to charging documents.
“My name is Jack Bowers (Bauer) and I work for the FBI and the Secret Service. My wife and family was kidnapped by the president and terrorist,” Sullivan continued, The (Baltimore) Examiner reported Friday, citing charging documents. Officers contacted Sullivan’s father who said his son was not married and the family was fine, authorities said.
How can you not be a fan of a 23 year old kid that gets blacked-out drunk and decides that he is Jack Bauer? Not only does he ram another car repeatedly but he chases the guy into a prison! That is some blacked-out dedication. Edgar claims he remembers nothing of the incident and is now in alcohol treatment.
Charlie Kelly - It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Charlie is a co-owner of Paddy’s Irish Pub, along with his friends Mac and Dennis, and his roommate, Frank (Danny DeVito). He lives in filth and is dirt poor; his apartment is often referred to by friends and acquaintances as a “shit hole.” Throughout the show, Charlie shows signs of several learning disabilities, including dyslexia, and is often accused of being “retarded” and illiterate by the other characters. All of the shittiest jobs at the bar, including rat detail (pulling the dead rats out of glue traps), cleaning the toilets and bathrooms, and cleaning out booth where a dead guy spent the night are called “Charlie Work.” He has an extremely short fuse and is prone to outbursts, rants, and raves, constantly trying to come up with a master plan to either get revenge on someone (friends included), or gain a higher status in the ranking system at the bar to ultimately get out of doing the “Charlie Work.” Also, Mac and Dennis consider him the toughest guy they know and he’s almost impossible to injure.
Charlie is definitely one of the funniest characters on TV, if not the funniest. Do yourself a favor if you haven’t seen It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and buy Season 1 on iTunes.
Eric Cartman - South Park
Cartman is notably evil and often reacts in violent and over-dramatic ways to events throughout the show. He dislikes and openly expresses his hatred of any race or group of which he is not a member, particularly gingers, hippies, Jews, which is the cause of his intense rivalry with Kyle. He often manipulates others to meet his own ends (at which he is very skilled) regardless of the consequences, even if it results in death and destruction.
You’d think because his mother appeared on the cover of CrackWhore Magazine, Cartman would be a rather disturbed little boy. But not so! Sure, he’s selfish, hot-tempered and swears like a sailor, but that’s only because he’s insecure about being the fattest kid in school. And what third-grader doesn’t need to blow off a little steam by screaming racial slurs now and again?
Some of Cartman’s evil schemes include robbing Kyle of his “Jew gold” at gun point, trying to get Kyle to suck on his balls because he lost a bet that leprechauns exist, running his very own amusement park, and pranking Butters by putting Butters’ dick in his mouth (hmmm?). Of course I have my favorite episodes where Cartman is the focal point. They include Cartmanland, Tsst, Cartman Gets an Anal Probe, and Weight Gain 4000 plus many, many more.
Jack Bauer - 24
After serving in many different career fields, Jack has a number of skills that he has garnered over the years. During his time in the U.S. Army and Delta, he learned to speak foreign languages, became a very deadly fighter, and, perhaps most notably, kill people. He is also an expert shot, seemingly regardless of whatever weapon he uses. He is very fast, as well as very durable. His ability to withstand torture has been shown time and time again, as he refuses to break. This was shown in Day 2 when he clinically died (temporarily) rather than give up the location of a chip to an expert interrogator. Then, following Day 5, he spent 20 months in a Shanghai prison and was subjected to brutal torture everyday, but he never spoke a single word, let alone give the Chinese any vital information. During the early stages of Day 6, Jack is tortured and could have been killed by Abu Fayed as part of a deal Fayed made with the United States in exchange for the stoppage of terrorist attacks, but manages to escape. Jack is also a very capable mission-leader, a skill he garnered from his military career as well as from his time in the LAPD SWAT division. His fighting skills are top-notch, as he is more than capable of killing a man with his bare hands, as witnessed in Days 2, 4, 5, and 6. Perhaps his best skill is simply killing people, which makes him a joy to watch. All in all, Jack Bauer is an A-1 Badass.
Michael Scott - The Office
Michael is the regional manager of the Scranton branch of Dunder Mifflin. He is socially awkward, has few friends, and is quite lonely. He thinks of himself as a friend first, a boss second, and an entertainer third. His attempts at humor reflect his desperate wish to be liked, but they prove unfunny at best and are often inappropriate, and sometimes offensive or unwittingly mean. Much of the humor of his character derives from his lack of self-awareness, which is highlighted by the awkward situations he creates for himself and his inability to extricate himself from them. His shortfalls are compounded by his seemingly huge ego. His subordinates, with the exception of Dwight Schrute, all think of him as a screw-up and generally incompetent boss. Before he was promoted to regional manager he was a great salesman, which sharply contrasts with his social awkwardness. He is sexist and racially insensitive at times, objectifying women and applying multiple black stereotypes to Stanley and the workers in the warehouse, particularly Darryl. Michael is socially inept, which has obviously been disabling in both his private and professional lives. Nevertheless, he’s one funny S.O.B. Darryl put it best, it takes a lot of courage and bravery to wake up and be Michael Scott each day.
If you read Tasty Booze then you know I am a big Jack Bauer fan. The fact that I write like he is a real person instead of a fictional badass might have clued you in to that. However after reading the following story I lost some serious respect/street cred for Keifer/Jack.
24 star Kiefer Sutherland blames fans for his jail sentence for driving under the influence, and is refusing to sign anymore autographs. The actor will spend Christmas behind bars after being sentenced to 48 days behind bars, following his arrest in September.
Sutherland was snapped by camera-wielding fans as he stumbled from his car - pictures which appeared on the internet and could have been used as evidence in court.
And the 40-year-old is fuming. Autograph collector Michael Wehrmann tells New York gossip column PageSix, “He was one of the best autograph signers there was. “He would always stand and sign for a half hour, but since his arrest, he’s been telling collectors, ‘I don’t do that anymore. You guys screwed me.’”
I don’t have a problem with anyone that wants to go out a catch a buzz. I love to do it myself and many people can attest that I do it quite often. But don’t try to blame your fans for your DUI. You are a celebrity and you know there are going to be cameras everywhere. So maybe if you stumble trying to enter your car in front of a bunch of paparazzi then say, “Just kidding” and call a cab. No one put a gun to your head (foolish move when dealing with Bauer) and made you drive the car while a bunch of people with cameras stood around.
I thought Bauer was above this kind of petty bullshit. Own up to your actions and don’t blame the people who watch 24 religiously and made it a hit.
Spoiler Alert!! If you want to stay in the dark on what’s going to happen during the 7th Day, DO NOT WATCH THIS! A bunch of juicy details are packed into this two minute trailer including the new setting (CTU is gone, L.A. is no more), possible partners, and at least one of the bad guys (there’s always more than one). I’m already looking forward to the 2-hour premiere January 13th! WWJBD?
JB managed to survive 2 years in a Chinese prison. 48 days in the L.A. County jail is going to be like a stay at a country club. That’s only if he wants to stay. I am pretty sure there isn’t a prison in America that could hold a determined Jack Bauer. Let’s be honest. Kiefer is a celebrity and celebrities never serve the entire sentence.
If you remember Nichole Richie was sentenced to 4 days and ended up serving a grand total of 82 minutes. If you apply the same ratio to Kiefer’s time it comes out to 16 hours actually spent in jail. Less then 1 day of his 48 day sentence.
Let’s just cut the crap and make celebrities immune to DUI prosecution. I am not trying to encourage the behavior but how many times do we want to make our legal system look like a joke when it comes to these people?
I already wrote earlier this week about how JB racked up his fourth DUI so I am not going to cover it again. I just thought this picture was hilarious because he is obviously wasted. In fact he might just be blacked out. Look at that cigarette. Only someone that is blacked out can defy gravity with a cigarette like that.
Don’t these cops know that old JB has the weight of saving America on his shoulders? I think they can cut him a little slack and let him catch a buzz as a fellow law enforcement officer.
Kiefer Sutherland was arrested early Tuesday on misdemeanor drunken driving charges after failing a field sobriety test, police officials said.
So he made an illegal U-turn. Who cares? Last season he shot his buddy in the head. It’s all in a days work for Bauer.
There is no better feeling then enjoying a tasty boggs and having a nice breeze on your balls. I wouldn’t normally recommend just dropping your trousers in the middle of a karaoke bar but when you are Jack Bauer you do whatever the fuck you want.
I think JB may have had a few too many boggs in this picture but he has had a long day of recovering nukes and dealing with the Cheng Zhi.
You notice that no one is asking him to put his pants back on. Thats because even when he is piss drunk no one wants to fuck with Bauer.
The Stanley FatMax Xtreme Fubar Functional Utility Bar is a 4-in-1 tool for prying, splitting, board bending, and striking jobs. When you want to drive nails, you have a pneumatic gun. When you want to demolish things, you have the FatMax Xtreme Fubar.
This thing doesn’t look like it is designed for weekend home improvement projects. It looks like Jack Bauer’s tool of choice when he gets a hold of Cheng Zhi in the next couple of hours.
