Oh man, if this picture was taken on a Friday talk about being totally fucked both literally and figuratively.

via The Smoking Gun

It looks like Floridians need a remedial course on appropriate reasons to call 911. We are going with a two for one special here in Floridians Are Crazy #23.

Reginald Peterson, 42, here called the cops twice to complain about the service he was getting from the sandwich artists at his local Subway. Apparently the sandwich artist forgot to put some kind of sauce on the two spicy italian sandwiches that Mr. Peterson had ordered. Peterson was hoping that the cops would respond to his calls and force the poor guy behind the counter to make the sandwichs up to his “specifications”. The cops showed, but instead of helping Peterson out of his sandwich jam they put him in a new jam by arresting him for making false 911 calls. Dude, the spicy italian is on the $5 footlong menu. Just be happy about the cheap sandwich and chill the fuck out.

Original Story: The Smoking Gun

Most of us are familar with the basic operation of a slot machine. You drop your money in, pull the lever and nothing comes out. Well it appears that Carlos Gutierrez, 47, was a little foggy on the whole procedure. Carlos called the fuzz from inside the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Tampa, FL to report that a slot machine had stolen his money. One call wasn’t enough. Once Carlos left the casino he called again and this time the fuzz showed up and just like in Mr. Peterson’s case they arrested Gutierrez for making false 911 calls. I really want to know how much money Carlos lost in the slot machine. I would hope that it would at least be triple digits to warrant the calls to 911 but I have a feeling we are probably talking low double digits.

Original Story: Yahoo! News

If you’ve seen Batman: The Dark Knight, and I’m sure the large majority of you have, you know that in the movie Batman gains a horde of copy-cat crime fighters in the flick. Well, it looks like the Joker now has his first groupie.

The 20-year-old, Spencer Taylor of Michigan was arrested over the weekend trying to steal Batman posters and other collectibles at a theater. Maybe the costume would have worked on opening night, when the rest of the fanatics and die-hards are dressed up in their gear, but a week after the opening? Way to be slick…nothing like walking around in a purple suit with white face paint to give the heads-up to the authorities that you’re up to no good.

The authorities did the appropriate thing of taking mug shots with and without face-paint…although, we all know the real Joker would have had none of that! Spencer, you’re ruining his reputation, douche.

Original Story: The Smoking Gun

Marya Green realized she was piss drunk and shouldn’t be driving herself and her three kids around town. Did she:

A) Let the 8 year old drive.
B) Let the 5 year old drive.
C) Put the 1 year old on her lap and let him drive.

That’s right, the police officer found Marya working the pedals with the one year old in her lap holding the wheel. I can’t even comprehend the logic here. Was she just too drunk to figure out how to strap the kid into the car seat? On the not so surprising side this is Marya’s third DUI. No shit!? I would never guess that a lady who was dumb enough to put her one year old at the wheel would be dumb enough to get multiple DUIs.

Original Story: WLWT.com

1) Post naked pictures of your 16 year old ex-girlfriend on MySpace.
2) Add ridiculous captions to said photos like “Yo, U see how big her hole is! Its from me!“
3) Tell the cops “Fuck that! I am keeping them up.” when they call and ask you to take the pictures down.

Alex Phillips, 17, claims he was “venting” and that “his goal was not to harm the girl“. Yeah right, numb nuts. The photos were originally taken by the girlfriend with her cell phone and then sent to Alex.

First of all I feel that I was cheated out of something during my teenage years. Camera phone or not nobody I knew had chicks giving them naked photos in high school. Now the naked cell phone shot is standard dating practice.

Second. Ladies, I have written it once and I will write it again if you let a guy have control of naked photos of yourself they will end up on the internet. I am not saying don’t take the photos I am just saying that you need to realize this going in.

The Smoking Gun

What is it with all these people that get arrested while they happen to be wearing fucking ridiculous shirts.

First off, thanks for the offer sweetheart but I am going to have to go ahead and pass. Secondly, I feel sort of bad for the numb nuts on the right. I mean the dickhead cops obviously did not read the part of his shirt in the parenthesis. However I can’t really feel that bad because he did voluntarily advertise that he is a fugitive. He might as well be wearing a shirt that says “I like kiddie porn”.

Hit the link to see all the mugs in The Smoking Gun’s weekly round up.

TSG: Locked Up, Knocked Up

Apparently those Weight Watchers meals that Kirstie Alley is always hocking must not be that satisfying. Kelly Barber was caught shoplifiting cupcakes and a few other things after demonstrating Weight Watchers products at a local grocery store in Port St. Lucie, Florida. Really, no shit? Florida, I would have never guessed.

A loss prevention official (Read: the rent-a-cop that helps collect the baskets at the checkstands because he is so bored) reported that he saw Barber place the cupcakes, a book and some teeth whitening strips into a blue bin and then leave the store. Sounds like Kelly was probably looking for a sugar buzz after a long day of trying to convince people to buy shitty Weight Watchers frozen meals.

“When questioned, Kelly explained she just wanted to whiten her teeth and stated it was stupid she stole the items as she had never done this before,” the report states. “Kelly did not have an explanation for all the other items.”

Really, no explanation for the cupcakes? Was it stupid because she got caught or was it stupid because she got caught stealing junk food after trying to sell people diet food? Maybe if she had been trying to steal some delicious Florida oranges it wouldn’t be that big of a deal.

Original Story: TC Palm

I honestly don’t even know how this would work. Was he using the umbrella hole? Arthur Price (pictured right) has been arrested and accused of having sex with his picnic table on multiple occasions. A noisy neighbor turned over three DVDs to police officers showing Price having sex with the picinic table. One of the DVDs shows Price performing a sex act in his bedroom and then moving things outside to the table for the big finish.

I am less concerned about Price and more concerned about his pervert neighbor. Price is just minding his own business trying to get his jollies. The neighbor however records three different DVDs, one where Price is inside his home, before calling the cops? If the table fucking is so disturbing why doesn’t the neighbor call the cops after the first DVD worthy incident? Sure maybe Price should get some drapes or move his sexy picnic table into his living room but I still think the weirdo here is the camera man.

I am still baffled as to how you actually hump a picnic table.

Original Story: First Coast News

Just a real chip off the old douchebag. Look at these two forehead tattoo ass clowns. On the left is the father Floyd, 48, and on the right is his son Justin, 21. Both were arrested in Florida (Holy shit! What a surprise!) at different times last year.

This isn’t the only ink this dynamic douchebag duo is sporting. Floyd has “Got-R-Did” tattooed on the back of his head and Justin has “Fuck You” tattooed across his left and right eyelids. I wish they would have snapped a shot of Justin with his eyes closed so we could see that masterpiece.

via The Smoking Gun

I don’t really think that announcing to everyone that you are lying is a good move in general but if there is even a remote chance you are going to run into the fuzz in the course of your day maybe you should reconsider your shirt selection.

I need some help with this one. Why is she hot? Is it the arm tattoo, the frazzled hair or the I-haven’t-slept-in-three-days-and-need-some-meth face?

TSG: Nip Slip Collection