There is just something inherently funny about a white guy rapping about his inability to find a date via social networking and/or internet dating sites.

This is a little song about beer, it combines the basic rhyming of Dr. Seuss with a death-metal chorus. Therefore, we suggest listening/watching this video with headphones.

Is you don’t talk about the penis song. Check out Brad Pitt and Edward Norton playing a couple of acoustic guitars and singing the penis song. Apparently it was filmed for a Fight Club trailer that was never released. Hit the “Read More” link for all the lyrics just in case you want to memorize the song instead of actually working this afternoon.

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I was out of town all weekend so I haven’t had a chance to see Step Brothers yet but this music video just makes me want to see the movie even more. If you are going to try to watch this at work you are definitely going to need to plug in the the headphones.

Two 10-year old white kids preparing to rap battle. You might think that would be enough to make this go all wrong. But no, it turns out there is plenty more awful to be had. Believe me. Thanks Holy Taco.
http://view.break.com/541309 - Watch more free videos

Our favorite new sensation and hardcore gangster rapper Rick Ross (real name William Roberts) may not be quite as hardcore as we thought. In fact, he is a former law enforcement officer and prison guard for Florida’s Department of Corrections. I guess when you are the one locking criminals up, you can collect enough material to rap about too. Unfortunately for Rick, it appears this may affect his street cred some. At least that’s what he seems to think, since he is completely denying any former affiliation with the right side of the law.

Instead, Ross claims that people are just upset at his success because he “came out of nowhere and just took over the streets”. I don’t know if I would go that far, especially given the above photo. But let’s review some lyrics anyway.

“Port of miami, Importing the candy” = illegal

“Never traffic for fun, Only traffic for funds” = illegal

“I handle dope like a vandle off the banana boat” = illegal

“Jose Canseco just snitchin’ because he’s finish, I feed ‘em steroids to strengthen up all my chickens” = i just like this one

“When I’m low on funds, I’m gonna load up guns, Slap you in the head I’m gonna open one” = illegal

Ok, so i don’t see anything about being a corrections officer for 2 years. I must have missed it. It’s probably in another song. Something like, “I make my money, putting fools behind bars is funny. I love the law, almost as much as Tim McGraw.”

Source: TSG

What kind of an ass clown would pay for a billboard with the image of the twin towers burning?

The answer is Mike Meehan a businessman and musician. The “Please Don’t Vote For a Democrat” slogan on the board isn’t just a political statement it’s the title of Mike’s hot new track. That’s right, this dipshit put up this billboard to promote a song. Nothing like using the deaths of 3,000 people to pimp your music. Wait, which party was in office when the towers were attacked? And which party was in office when we decided to stop fighting the pricks that actually attacked us and go start a war in a completely unrelated country? And which party was in office when the second war became completely and totally fucked because the chuckleheads in office that started it don’t know the first thing about the people they are fighting?

I’m no political expert but I am pretty sure it wasn’t the democrats.

Original Story: WFTV

Let me set the stage here: Professional Golfer/Drinker John Daly playing in a Pro-AM tournament in Michigan. Pro-AM Partner: Detroit’s own Kid Rock (wearing appropriate golf attire of overalls). Shot: Golf ball teed up on a 24 oz. can of Budweiser. Result: AWESOME! Even more impressive, Daly’s ability to leave the can after the tee shot, but Kid Rock is there to pick up scraps.

Last year Soulja Boy managed to take his one-hit wonder “Crank That” to epic heights thanks in part to a YouTube video with Barney.

But this year belongs to Lil Wayne. His album, Tha Carter III (read the TastyBooze review), sold more than 1 million copies in the first week and his next single featuring T-Pain, “Got Money,” is already getting tons of radio air play.

With no official video out yet, and considering our love of the Smurfs and Lil Wayne’s short stature, we thought this was a perfect pairing. TastyBooze now presents Papa Wayne featuring Smurf-Pain in “Got Money”:

It was really only a matter of time… I mean 50 Cent has put his name on a number of products, you might say selling out, including Vitamin Water, Reebok, a new body spray and Magic Stick Condoms. In other words, 50 Cent is not afraid to put his name on products that he supports.

Well, Taco Bell might have gone a little far with the rap mogul - I suggest developing a new bullet-proof variety of taco shell. Apparently the company put together a proposal for 50 to make an appearance at a Taco Bell store, rap his order, and change his name to 79 Cent, 89 Cent or 99 Cent - the prices of items on Taco Bell’s Value Menu.

The contract was leaked before 50 Cent’s people even got their hands on it and now 50 Cent is upset that the whole thing was a publicity stunt.

Overall, it hasn’t been a good month for 50 Cent: His ex is suing 50 for burning her house down and he’s feuding with his G-Unit counterpart Young Buck. Who knows, if things keep going this way for 50 Cent, he might start making appearances at Taco Bell without even having to pay him.

Original post: Socialite Life

Does Lil Wayne hold the title of “The Best Rapper Alive”?

Well, maybe not. But the best rapper currently signed to a major label, that’s could be up for debate.

Most “best rapper” lists give you the standard:
Tupac: Dead.
Biggie: Dead.
Nas: Slowly coming out of his “Nastradamus” and “I Am” malaise.
Jay-Z: Retired after a mega-hit, then came out with his biggest piece of shit CD to date.
Eminem: Am I the only one who thinks his rapping style has gone off the deep end? How many farting and burping sounds can you put in your music and still be taken seriously?
Snoop: Now more a caricature of his gangster image then anything else, and his only really good album was well over a decade ago.
50 Cent: The hard core gangster rap revival lasted for about one CD, and well, now it’s over.
Dre: Awesome producer, great mind, mediocre rapper.
Rakim: The 80’s are over.
Big Daddy Kane: Ditto.
KRS-One: Super ditto.
Kanye: See the Dre comment.
Talib Kweli: Maybe the best lyricist, but these days rap is about making that cash.
Common: Yes, I realize this is a contradiction to what I just said about Talib, but get off Kanye’s cash dick, you used to be better.
Outkast: Together they are great. Solo? We won’t go there.
Tribe: Same.
Diddy: I can’t believe I wasted time writing his name.

So given that the so-called best are either dead, coming off a shitty album or albums, no longer rapping, or just plain not that awesome, maybe Lil Wayne has an argument as the current best rapper alive.

Regardless of your opinion, here’s ours of his latest work…”Tha Carter III.”

So Baba, what’s your favorite and least favorite song?
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After a six year wait it took a jury less than a day of deliberations to acquit R. Kelly of all 14 child pornography charges that he faced. Had he been found guilty he could have served up to 15 years in jail. Of course if you use the Nicole Richie celebrity jail time formula he probably would have served about 77 days of the 15 year sentence.

In case you don’t remember a tape was mailed to the Chicago Sun Times back in 2002 which reportedly show R. Kelly engaging in a threesome with one of the girls being only 13. Both R. Kelly and the supposed victim, now 23, denied being the humpers in the video. R. Kelly’s defense team focused their argument on a large mole on R. Kelly’s back. R. Kelly has a fingernail size mole on his lower back and the defense argued that the man in the video had no such mole. At one point the defense played a purposely altered clip of the video showing two headless bodies having sex. They argued that if they could remove the heads from the video someone could have added R. Kelly’s head to the video.

I have no doubt that R. Kelly has done some freaky ass shit in his day but I can never really buy into the “this anonmous tape just showed up” thing. This has generated so much press that if it was real the person that turned it in would want their 15 minutes of fame. Either way it gives me an excuse you post one of my all time favorite Dave Chappelle sketches.

MSNBC.com

After multiple delays and leaks, Lil Wayne’s most anticipated album of 2007, and now 2008, “Tha Carter III” drops today in record stores and Wal-Mart major retailers. If you’re a real hip-hop fan, you’ve probably followed the album’s progress over the past year, checking out the leaked songs, downloading the mix-tapes and hearing Lil Wayne guest star on more than 50 singles. Read all about it on Wikipedia.

I picked up my copy of “Tha Carter III” at my local Easy Street Records during lunch. After a quick listen this afternoon, here are my initial reactions:

• The final track listing (comes as an insert in the case) includes an additional three songs. Too bad Lil Wayne couldn’t have thrown in the “Lollipop” remix with Kanye West, as good as “Lollipop” is, it’s starting to get tired, but the remix is hot!
• “Tie My Hands” featuring Robin Thicke might be my favorite song on the album. I liked their previous collaboration, “Shooter,” and this one is even better.
• “A Milli” has to be the most annoying song of the CD. It’s fucking awful. You’ll probably listen to it once and realize that’s more than enough times.

The rest of the album has cameos from T-Pain, Babyface, Jay-Z, Fabolous and others, as well as an all-star set of producers. We’ll have a full review once we get a chance to open up the album and let it bump outside of our headphones at work.

Zach Schreiber, 21, is in jail after trying to defend his love of Mariah Carey’s music. Schreiber was stopped at an intersection bumping some MC when another car carrying William Greenman, 22, stopped along side him. Apparently Greenman is not a Mariah fan (he’s probably upset about the fact she was recently taken off the market) and started shouting “profanities” at Schreiber to let him know how he felt. The two cars continued to the next intersection where Greenman continued to let Schreiber know how he felt about Mimi.

At this point Schreiber felt that he needed to take the matter of defending Mariah’s honor into his own hands and he winged at beer bottle at Greenman’s melon. Greenman was quick enough to duck but not quick enough to warn the driver, a girl that I am guessing is a Mariah fan, who was hit with the bottle.

Schreiber ended up being charged with “shooting a missile into a vehicle and criminal mischief.“

I feel bad for Schreiber because he was obviously provoked but why the hell was he driving down the street blasting Mariah Carey? If you are a dude, rolling solo and you are blasting MC you are begging for trouble. The only time that is remotely acceptable is if there are two or more girls in the car.

Either way both of these ass clowns are a couple of toolboxes. Greenman was probably upset because Schreiber was blasting Touch My Body and Greenman prefers Mariah’s pre-P. Diddy catalog.

Original Story: WBBH

Remember two years ago when the video of R. Kelly allegedly having sex with a minor was leaked? Well, they are just now getting around to actually having a trial and trying to find jurors for said trial. Apparently finding jurors for a trial against a celebrity on kiddie porn charges is difficult. Here are some of the better excuses potential jurors have come with with, counting down.

5) I’ll change my vacation plans.
4) I have a teenage daughter.
3) R. Kelly is a musical genius.
2) I would change the age of consent.
1) R. Kelly may have led the Taliban in attacking us on 9-11, but you can’t prove it.

While the first four in the list are general abbreviations of excuses given number 1 on the list is a direct quote given by one of the potential jurors. I have to say that it is a slice of genius. I haven’t been summoned to jury duty yet but I know my days are numbered. I am going to store this excuse in my back pocket until that time comes. “I don’t know if I can be fair about these shoplifiting charges, your honor. This teenager could have been involved in the 9-11 plot.”

Original Story: Chicago Tribune