I’m not really sure what Delta’s slogan is, but this will have to do. The air carrier announced a while ago that they would be bringing free Wi-Fi internet access to a handful of flights. Of course, if people’s use of their computer is anything like mine, 87% of computer use on flights would be for porn-related activity. At first there was some concern about porn usage on a flight…can you imagine sitting next to someone while they sift through porn sites attempting to join the solo mile high club (thanks to Gizmodo for that line). Now Delta says they will block access to porn sites, so flight attendants don’t have to police the passengers.
Three things, first, why do they sell porn mags at airports then? Do people really think it’s okay to whip out your dickPenthouse magazine to “read the articles”? I’ve heard horror stories from friends who have sat next to people on planes and flipped through pictorials in adult magazines. Awkward!
Lastly, why would you need porn. Are any of you among the 1 million who have watched Delta’s new safety video on YouTube? Watch this for the first 30 seconds and you’ll see why so many people have wasted four-and-a-half minutes of their life “watching” this video.
If you actually watched this David Blaine special last night I feel sorry for you. And if you’re one of these fucking idiots in the crowd at Central Park, I hope you were getting paid a shitload to be there. This whole hanging upside down, then jumping and then mysteriously disappearing into the night charade is a bunch of bullshit.
It’s been a little more than 4 months since David Blaine held his last publicity stunt. Remember when he held his breath for a while. Well, now he’s in the middle of hanging himself upside down for 60 hours in Central Park.
This morning Kelly Ripa joined the “magician” for a little while - that’s her hanging next to Blaine and being sexually assaulted by that harness.
What are the ill-effects of hanging upside down for 60 hours? Doctors say that Blaine is at risk for a stroke and possible blindness. Blaine will also be relieving himself through a catheter throughout the stunt.
I know it’s only Monday, but we’ll have to see how this all plays out, but Blaine is definitely the frontrunner as the Douchebag of the Week!
“Keeping a cell phone on talk mode in a pocket can decrease sperm quality, according to new research from the Cleveland Clinic.”
Holy crap, really? I have heard rumors about this for years now, but once it hits the front page of CNN, that’s when I consider it real. So you are telling me that my last decade of cell phone use is the reason I have not slipped one past the goalie??? Hmmm, I guess that’s not all bad. But as a man I still want my boys to be able to perform in the clutch.
On top of that, my mom has been telling me for years I need to get a Bluetooth thingy because holding the cell phone to my head is going to give me brain cancer. So now I look like a total douche with that huge silver thing in my ear AND my boys are failures. Awesome. Just Awesome.
Whenever I watch “The Girls Next Door” - the E! show about Hef’s girlfriends who live in the Playboy Mansion - it always reminds me of Adam Sandler in Big Daddy. You know, the scene where is mocks his girlfriend for cheating on him with grandpa and gets grossed out his loose skin and old balls. Well, there are rumors that Holly Madison - Hef’s No. 1 girlfriend - has decided to move on…to Criss Angel.
Listen, maybe Hef is over the hill and only able to get upright (if you know what I mean) thanks to drugs, but Criss Angel?!?! That’s like trading in a classic Ford Mustang for a new Hyundai. Sure, the Hyundai is a nice, reliable and shiny new car, but you’re going to look like a fucking tool with it. If you don’t know who Criss Angel is, imagine the offspring produced if David Blaine and Marilyn Manson got together. Yes, we’re talking about the Mindfreak magician Criss Angel. And yes, that’s how he spells “Chris.”
The rumors go back and forth, first she was leaving, now it sounds like she’s staying. If Holly gets the boot from the Playboy Mansion, I guess this means more of Kendra. Yes! Wait…probably more of Kendra talking too. Noooo!!!!!
Movies and television have done a poor job of depicting the results of bar fights. More often than not, these fights include a bottle being smashed over a person’s head with relatively no damage, usually the action is just part of a slap-stick ruckus.
Megan Terese Whitehead, from Oregon, will spend 30 days in jail and will be paying a fine of $38k for her role in a beer bottle attack. In an attempt to break up a fight, she broke the beer bottle over a guy’s head and then managed to stab him in the face - the result of which has left the guy blind in one eye, even after 6 surgeries.
People close to the situation say Tom Brady is out for the season after tearing his ACL in today’s opening game. Fantasy owners….Randy Moss, uh oh. Wes Welker, uh oh. Lawrence Maroney, uh oh. Tom Brady, big uh oh. Giselle Bundchen, single! Matt Cassell, go pick him up ASAP. Same goes for Sammy Morris. Stay tuned….
Last time I checked you are not supposed to talk about sexual positions on the nightly local news. And no, I do not think this guy will be “getting any” of what he wants.
Forbes magazine is finally getting around to hard-hitting and revelant news stories, they’ve even brought themselves to the point of doing these stories in list form. We lovelists here at TastyBooze, and this one is right up our alley. It’s Forbes’ Hardest Drinking Cities in the U.S. Half the article talks about how this list came about, it sounds all very scientific, but it came down to a survey of consumers in 33 cities with these questions:
Whether they had at least one drink of alcohol within the past 30 days; whether men had more than two drinks per day or women one drink per day; and whether they had five or more drinks on one occasion. In each case, higher-ranking cities reported larger percentages of their population answering in the affirmative.
And the results:
1. Austin, TX
2. Milwaukee, WI
3. San Francisco, CA
4. Providence, RI
5. Chicago, IL
6. Seattle, WA, Cleveland, OH, St. Louis, MO (3-way tie)
9. Boston, MA
10. Cincinnati, OH
11. Pittsburgh,PA
12. Virginia Beach, VA
13. Portland, OR
14. Jacksonville, FL
15. Detroit, MI
Yes! Representing for Seattle! We had 64.2% of our residents drinking in the past month, and 16.4% of residents who had five of more drinks on one occasion!
Kind of surprised we beat out Boston…and no New York or Las Vegas. Maybe it’s just the tourists from these 15 cities doing all the drinking at those destination cities.
If you’ve been watching the Olympics the past couple of days, these girls to the right might look familiar. They are the three leading gymnasts on the U.S.A.’s team who helped bring home a silver medal last night in the all-around team competition. But please take note of the one in the middle - Alicia Sacramone. Don’t worry guys, she’s 20 years-old. But do worry, because she could knock you out! Check out the video below of her throwing a wicked left cross to a dude at a party at Brown University. U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
Look for Alicia to be knocking girls out later in the Olympics as she competes in the individual events.
I have never really been a huge fan of Black & Tans, call me what you will, but that’s how I roll. For those of you who are Black & Tan fans, there is Brütül (pronounced: brew tool). Brütül created a specialized “turtle” for the perfect pouring of Black & Tans, as well as other layered beers. The Black & Tan Turtle sits a-top your pint glass with the shell lowered below the rim of the glass, essentially softening the pour of the beer into the glass, creating the perfect layering with minimal foam. As their slogan goes, “Foam Follows Function.”
The Black & Tan Turtles retail for $11.95, or you can get the special Black & Tan Turtle Kit for $37.45, all available here.
A 41-year-old man in Hong Kong found himself lonely and disturbed in a park late one night, alcohol could have possibly been involved too. The man thought it would be a good idea to have sex with a metal park bench. After becoming aroused, the man was stuck in/on the bench and unable free himself due to swelling. The man called the police for help…they had to take the entire park bench with the man still laying on top of it to the hospital. Four hours later, he was finally free. Doctors say an hour longer, and … well, let’s just say it wouldn’t have been good.
If alcohol was involved, this might be the worst case of beer goggles EVER!
At a recent all-male gathering for the All-Star Game a hot dog eating contest took place. We’re not talking the Hebrew National style contest of the 4th of July, but some douchebag decided to use those huge fucking polish sausages from Costco. It’s like a 3-to-1 ratio of Hebrew Nationals to Polish Sausages! Anyway, FrankTheTank dominated and essentially taunted the rest of the competitors.
Here is FrankTheTank’s new challenge: The 3.5 lbs Homewrecker from HillBillly Hotdogs. Full description from the web site:
The Homewrecker is a 3.5-lb. weapon of cardiovascular mass destruction. They start with a deep-fried 15″, 1-pound dog and top it with peppers, onions, nacho cheese, chili sauce, jalapenos, mustard, ketchup, coleslaw, tomatoes, lettuce, and shredded cheese. Assured intestinal wreckage will run you $14.99. Finish it in under 12 minutes and you get a free burial t-shirt. Do it in under 4 minutes and your family will have an extra $14.99 for the funeral.
First, I know it’s 3.5 pounds, but $14.99! God damn that is expensive! Is it some kind of special Kobe beef hot dog? Not to mention, HillBilly Hotdogs is located in West Virginia, so I think this probably tops the list of most expensive meals in the state.
Snickers needs to take their own advice and get some nuts. The company pulled a commercial featuring Mr. T due to some complaints that the advertisement was “homophobic.” The TV spot that only aired in the UK features Mr. T taunting a speed-walker as he pulls up beside him in a Snickers combat truck and yells, “Speed walking. I pity you fool. You are a disgrace to the man race. It’s time to run like a real man.”
The commercial ends with the logo and tagline of, “Snickers: Get Some Nuts.” You can check out the whole campaign at their Web site: GetSomeNuts.TV
Here’s the commercial, so you can be the judge of its homophobia.
I’m not really sure what Delta’s slogan is, but this will have to do. The air carrier announced a while ago that they would be bringing free Wi-Fi internet access to a handful of flights. Of course, if people’s use of their computer is anything like mine, 87% of computer use on flights would be for porn-related activity. At first there was some concern about porn usage on a flight…can you imagine sitting next to someone while they sift through porn sites attempting to join the solo mile high club (thanks to Gizmodo for that line). Now Delta says they will block access to porn sites, so flight attendants don’t have to police the passengers.
