Believe it or not I have been in the workforce for several years now. And one thing remains constant. People half-ass it on Friday’s no matter what they do or where they work. Hence me currently writing this post and not working. Why are we continuing this facade? Why not work our asses off for half the day on Friday and then just leave? I guarantee the majority of people would get as much, if not more, done with that system.
There is one problem of course. If we only had a half-day on Friday’s, we would probably half-ass it for the second half of Thursday. Or we would go out Thursday night and be worthless on Friday because we know we only have to “get through a half-day” hungover. So I guess I don’t have a solution. But I do know it takes more energy to “fake” work for a day than it does to actually work. Whether it’s always having to be ready to do a quick alt-tab when the boss walks by or having to control my laughter when watching a video of a guy trying to walk with his sandals glued to the floor, fake working takes a lot of effort. But, continue it I will….
Even though Microsoft has given Gates so much, and will probably continue to go about its ways by ruling the software industry with an iron fist, wouldn’t it be funny to see Gates go out with a nice “Fuck You” to his fellow Microsofties? I’m not talking about a debilitating software crisis like Y2K, but maybe just some small inconvenience virus. Just something that’s going to remind everyone who’s top dog. Like every time someone types “B” it auto-fills with “Bill” and “G” auto-fills with “Gates.” You gates the idea.
We will always remember, and thank, Gates for giving us the headache that is PowerPoint. I hate that damn program!
Check out Lupe Fiasco’s “Outty 5000” from the Revenge of the Nerds Mixtape.
How many people remember the Geto Boys? They might be best known for their song “Damn it Feels Good to be a Gangster” that is featured in Office Space. But a story coming out of Idaho this morning reminds me of my favorite song, “Mind Playing Tricks On Me.”
The Associated Press is reporting on a young man in his 20s who believed he bore the “mark of the beast” on his hand, cut it off. Of course like any sane person, the fellow took a circular saw, chopped off his hand and cooked it in the microwave. Then he called 911. The man also had the whereabouts to put on a tourniquet so he wouldn’t bleed to death. Smart.
The article quotes The Book of Revelation to bring some clarity to the situation:
The Book of Revelation in the New Testament contains a passage in which an angel is quoted as saying: “If anyone worships the beast and his image and receives his mark on the forehead or on the hand, he, too, will drink the wine of God’s fury.”
The book of Matthew also contains the passage: “And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for you whole body to do into hell.”
Geto Boys say it best: “It’s fucked up when your mind is playin’ tricks on ya.”
The Idaho Statesman has the complete article here.
This is great. This douche bag, Kevin Colvin, sent his boss an email explaining the he had a family emergency and wouldn’t be into work the next day. Kevin being the clever bastard that he is didn’t have a family emergency he just wanted to go to a kick ass halloween party and not have to worry about work the next day. Everyone has probably told a white lie to avoid work at one time or another. However Kevin made the douche bag mistake of posting pictures of himself from said halloween party on his Facebook page the day after the party. Kevin’s boss, who obviously doesn’t live under a rock, found the pictures and attached it to his email reply to Kevin along with bcc’ing the entire company.
Take a look at this little slice of genius. The attention to detail is just outstanding. The guy even glued on those plastic straps that go around the box. I don’t know if we have any folks in upper management that read this site but I would bet there are going to be some people checking the paper boxes around their offices today.
A new poll about American’s work habits in the office yields some surprising results. You thought you were the only terrible office employee? Think again!
So maybe I haven’t spent a huge amount of time as an office worker, but during my short tenure, I remember frequently falling asleep on my desk during sex, while holding a stolen handful of paperclips. Who knew I was so average?
According to the survey:
45% have fallen asleep on the job.
22% have stolen from their office.
39% have kissed a co-worker while on the clock.
I recently got a new job and I followed standard procedure and gave my current employer two weeks notice before my departure. So next Monday will be my last day and I am in a little slice of hell. I just sit here all day counting down the hours before I can get the hell out. I avoid doing all the shit work I didn’t like about my job in the first place; what are they doing to do fire me? I can’t ask for something fun to do because I am going to be gone in 3 days. Sure I can surf the net, I am practically a goddamn professional at that, but there is only so much you can look at when big brother in the IT department is monitoring traffic.
This brings me back to my point that the whole two weeks notice thing is bullshit. Sure it allows the company time to get a jump on trying to replace me but they are getting 25% productivity out of me max. Is it worth the extra search time when they are paying me the same amount of money to do next to nothing? Plus once they make the announcement to your co-workers that you are leaving it just gets weird. People act differently and everyone has to take a crack at a “short timer” joke. Next time I have to do this I think I will get a week and a half vacation approved and then drop my notice three days before it starts.
So a little Office Space clip seems pretty appropriate right about now. Especially since my f-ing printer just jammed because it was forced to print from tray 2. So what? Isn’t that what tray 2 is for, to print when tray 1 is empty? But no , the little rolly thingy’s can’t seem to manage the extra 6 inches of distance without causing the whole machine to malfunction. And then, I literally have to open and close 4 different compartments to reset the little picture on top to ‘Ready to Print’ mode…
Believe it or not I have been in the workforce for several years now. And one thing remains constant. People half-ass it on Friday’s no matter what they do or where they work. Hence me currently writing this post and not working. Why are we continuing this facade? Why not work our asses off for half the day on Friday and then just leave? I guarantee the majority of people would get as much, if not more, done with that system.
