Is there some kind of urban myth that drinking wite-out will help you beat a breathalyzer? I can remember hearing that putting pennies in your mouth would help you beat a one, but never wite-out. Of course, if I was in a police station looking at my fourth DUI arrest I would probably try some pretty crazy shit to get out of it as well.
Juan Briceno, 33, was arrested at a taco stand last year and taken to police headquarters so that the cops could administer a breathalyzer test. While Briceno was waiting for the tech to show up and give him the test, he picked up a bottle of wite-out from an officer’s desk and took a chug of it. Once the tech showed up she pointed out to officers that Briceno had “mime-white lips”. Using brilliant powers of deduction the cop checked out Briceno’s lips, checked out the bottle of wite-out and then put two and two together.
Unfortunately for Briceno and us the cops hauled his ass down to the hospital for a blood test where they found he was sporting a .28 BAC. I’ve heard of higher BACs but I have never heard of someone trying to hide it with wite-out.
I wish they would have given him the blood test and then the breathalyzer so that we could find out if wite-out had any effect on the results. The bottle lists wite-out as flammable and harmful if swallowed so maybe it would dick with the test. Of course based on this guy’s luck if they had given him the breathalyzer his BAC probably would have registered higher.
When it rains it pours. Check out this A-1 douche that was captured by a Tasty Booze reader rolling around Bellevue, WA with a plate that reads “NOTGLTY”. Is this just a general declaration or is he celebrating a specific court victory. You could guess that maybe he is a kick ass defense attorney but if he was he probably wouldn’t be rolling in a mid 90s suburban. This plate might be the biggest cop magnet yet. If I was a law dog I would pull him over just to ask what he wasn’t guilty of. With a plate like that you can bet that 6 out of 10 times the SOB is going to be guilty of something.
I don’t know if the folks over at the Guinness Book Of World Records have a category for most DUIs in a given time frame but if they do I think Robert Hood (not related to Robin) might have just set the record. I have posted several stories here on Tasty Booze in the past about people pulling off the incredible two DUIs in 24 hours which is an accomplishment no doubt but Mr. Hood has decided to take the bar up a notch by locking down a solid four DUIs in the last two weeks. Some people can’t ring up four in a lifetime but Robert here has knocked it down in just two weeks.
If you are concerned that Robert might be stuck in jail upsetting his world record pace you can put your mind at ease. The judge in the case set Robert’s bail at just $2000 so Robert has already posted his 10% and was back on the street on Tuesday.
Not only can you run in high heels Kelly Ripa, but you could also use those high heels as a weapon. A Seattle woman went to the hospital, with what doctors called an “aggressive” bacterial infection, after being stabbed in her hand by a man using her own stiletto high heel boot.
Over the June 29 weekend, the woman was attending a BBQ when “an acquaintance asked her to perform a sex act on him. When she refused, the man slapped her face, removed her boot and stabbed her in the left hand with the stiletto heel, police said.” - according to an article in The Seattle Times.
This is pretty hardcore. If you watch Flavor of Love or Rock of Love, you know that the a girl-fight is getting comical serious when one of the girls takes off her shoe and starts swinging it around like a deranged lunatic. I never really imagined it doing much harm, but this is good to know.
Unfortunately for one pervert the cops are a little more thorough than the Verizon guy. Jeffery Barrier, 41, was using his cell phone camera to snap pictures of at least one naked woman in a tanning salon. Apparently Barrier was using a chair to take pictures of a 35 year old woman that was “in the nude in a tanning room,”. The article doesn’t say who called the cops but when they arrived Barrier denied everything claiming that he didn’t even have a cell phone. The first search turned up nothing but during a second search cops found the Barrier had in fact hid his cell phone up his ass.
I am really foggy as to how this all went down. I need a time line of events or something. If he knew that someone had called the cops why didn’t he run? If he didn’t know the cops where coming why did he shove the phone up his ass? Is he too cheap for a belt holster? Even if some upstanding citizens prevented him from leaving the tanning salon until cops arrived how did he manage to get the phone up his ass? It’s a little baffling.
Check out this dipshit that tried to rob a convenience store with a palm-frond. The video shows the guy come in with the branch and shake it at the man behind the counter. The police report says that the genius was demanding $50. The frond was a Spanish bayonet, a palmetto-like plant with extremely sharp points on the leaves. So in all fairness this guy could have put an eye out but at the end of the video he gets chased out of the store by a guy armed with a wooden stool. If you robbery weapon can’t stand up to a wooden stool you might want to rethink your strategy.
You are a piss drunk twenty-something on an international flight and the stewardess just cut you off the free booze train. Do you:
A) Take it like a man and pass out for the rest of the flight B) Slap her C) Convince the guy in front of you to start getting your drinks D) Try to set the curtains on fire E) Both B & D
This is Tasty Booze so you know that 25 year old Zoltan Lensky went with option E. After slapping the stewardess Zoltan went to the front of the cabin, pulled out a lighter (nice work TSA) and tried to set the curtains in the flight attendant area on fire. I know this kid was drunk but why in the fuck would you try to set on fire the one thing that is responsible for keeping you alive at 30,000 feet.
A federal air marshal was able to subdue and handcuff Zoltan before he was able to get his camp fire going.
Here is a new life rule. If you find yourself in Singapore and you are a male don’t under any circumstances start dicking around and sniffing ladies armpits.
The 36-year-old, who the Straits Times said was mentally unstable, had previous convictions for drug and sex-related offences. He molested 23 women over the course of 15 months, smelling their armpits and touching them in lifts, staircase landings and their homes, the paper said
This guy received 14 years in prison and 18 whacks of the cane on his bare ass. Apparently this kind of sentence is usually reserved for hardcore criminals but the judge felt there was a high likelihood that this guy would be a repeat offender so he decided to go big right off the bat.
Sounds a little harsh for a guy that just wants to smell some lady B.O. I mean sure whack him on the ass 18 times, but is the 14 years in prison really necessary?
You are piss drunk but you need to sober up quick so that your Mom doesn’t find out. Do you:
A) Slam some coffee. B) Take a cold shower. C) Sleep it off. D) Drive it off.
Edward Defreitas, resident genius of Toms River, N.J., chose option D and told police officers about it after he crashed into an ambulance causing it to over turn.
He told them he was driving around until he was sober enough to go home, fearing his mother would know he was drunk.
Oh yeah, Edward is 36 years old. Edward should have either remembered that he had a nut sack and just dealt with his Mom or he should have parked and slept the buzz off somewhere. What kind of jackass blatantly incriminates himself trying to come up with an excuse for the cops?
Marya Green realized she was piss drunk and shouldn’t be driving herself and her three kids around town. Did she:
A) Let the 8 year old drive. B) Let the 5 year old drive. C) Put the 1 year old on her lap and let him drive.
That’s right, the police officer found Marya working the pedals with the one year old in her lap holding the wheel. I can’t even comprehend the logic here. Was she just too drunk to figure out how to strap the kid into the car seat? On the not so surprising side this is Marya’s third DUI. No shit!? I would never guess that a lady who was dumb enough to put her one year old at the wheel would be dumb enough to get multiple DUIs.
Then you better fire up your PDA or cell phone and download Trapster ASAP. Trapster allows users to report in real time the location of speed traps or speed cameras in their area. Sort of like Twitter but without all the human genitalia jokes. It looks pretty sick in the live demo (below). If you are cruising down the block in your six-four and notice the local fuzz camped out behind some bushes you simply press #1 on your phone and a real time update is sent to Trapster. Now the next Trapster user that rolls into the area will get an SMS alert along with an audio notification that the 5-0 is in the vicinity.
They aren’t talking about some kid that went crazy in the meat department. This little 15 year old bastard has been on an ass biting spree at his local Wal-Mart for almost a year. Police have complaints from at least 10 women and expect more to come forward now that the reign of terror is over.
The ass master was in the Wal-Mart, probably gloating over past ass bites and looking for fresh meat, when a victim recognized him walking with relatives and reported it.
The specifically use “relatives” in the story which makes me think it must have been grandparents. Would there be anything worse than your grandma finding out that instead of checking out G.I. Joes like you said you were actually over in the Young Miss section biting asses?
Generally customs officials take drugs away from people. Customs officials in Tokyo got things a little backwards and actually gave some J. Random passenger a bag of dope. The customs agents slipped the dope into the passenger’s bag as part of training exercise for drug sniffing dogs. The problem is that the Customs agents lost track of the suitcase before the dogs could find it and now they don’t know where it is.
Customs agents, in a move that makes perfect sense, asked that anyone who happens to find the drugs return them. Yeah, like anyone with half a brain is going to walk into a law enforcement office and turn over a bag of pot.
1) Post naked pictures of your 16 year old ex-girlfriend on MySpace. 2) Add ridiculous captions to said photos like “Yo, U see how big her hole is! Its from me!“ 3) Tell the cops “Fuck that! I am keeping them up.” when they call and ask you to take the pictures down.
Alex Phillips, 17, claims he was “venting” and that “his goal was not to harm the girl“. Yeah right, numb nuts. The photos were originally taken by the girlfriend with her cell phone and then sent to Alex.
First of all I feel that I was cheated out of something during my teenage years. Camera phone or not nobody I knew had chicks giving them naked photos in high school. Now the naked cell phone shot is standard dating practice.
Second. Ladies, I have written it once and I will write it again if you let a guy have control of naked photos of yourself they will end up on the internet. I am not saying don’t take the photos I am just saying that you need to realize this going in.
Michael Myers was arrested over the weekend for trying to impersonate a police officer. Myers allegedly was trying to convince a woman to get into his Crown Victoria because she was too drunk and he wanted to give her a ride home. A couple of firefighters saw the incident and asked Myers if he was on officer. Myers allegedly responded yes and provided the firefighters with a badge number. The firefighters didn’t believe him and called in the local fuzz. Myers consented to a search of his car and the officers found a silver badge that said “Official Boob Inspector, Department of Titillation”.
If Myers had gotten the lady into the car what was the game plan? “Excuse me ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice one of your breasts seems larger than the other. Luckily I am an official boob inspector [flashes badge] and I would be happy to check them out for you once we get to your house.”
This dipshit should have skipped the whole cop gig and just posted up at a local bar. He could have kept buying ladies Bud Lights and then tried to flash his badge after 5 or 6 beers. He probably could have found at least one lady that would have flashed him. Even a brief glimpse of boobs is better than getting arrested.
