By now the shock value is probably gone, everyone should know the phenomenon of 2 Girls 1 Cup (don’t worry, that just links to our other posts on the subject). You’ve probably either been forced into watching the video or have a friend verbally describe the ordeal in detail. Well, 2 Girls 1 Cup has taken the next step - enshrined in cake form. Yes, someone actually requested this as their birthday cake. Happy Birthday? I feel sorry for whoever got the corner piece.
Well, there isn’t much to say here. A dude shaved a man shitting onto the back of his head. Perhaps he really likes shit? Perhaps he is constipated and is trying to act out a moment of anticipated joy? Maybe he is auditioning for 2 guys 1 cup? Or, maybe he is just simply the douchebag of the week…
Julie Landry, 46, was arrested on cruelty to a juvenile charges after it was reported that she made a student unclog a toilet with his hands. Trevor Williams, 7, reportedly used a few to many shit tickets and clogged up the toilet. When Landry found out about it she told Trevor that he had to go unplug the toilet and if he did it again she would make “him pull it out with his teeth.” Landry then forced Trevor to unclog the toilet with his bare hands.
I am sure most people find this story disgusting. Due to a shared life experience known as being fraternity brothers in the WSU greek system Honcho, Yerzimbeck, and I have a slightly different take on this story. Our email exchange is below.
Mitch Martin to Hank Yerzimbeck, Mike Honcho
Sent 5/14/08 1:29 p.m.
Subject: Check out this story
I can’t quite come up with it but there is definitely a “D crew, abortion” joke in there somewhere.
At least the kids classmates didn’t keep using the toilet before he had to clean it out.
Mike Honcho to Hank Yerzimbeck, Mitch Martin
Sent 5/14/08 1:34 p.m.
Subject: Re: Check out this story
Used too much toilet paper? Right. Either it was the greasiest shit ever, or this guy (7 year old) takes monster dumps.
Would have sucked to have to unclog it with his teeth…bobbing for turds?
Hank Yerzimbeck to Mike Honcho, Mitch Martin
Sent 5/14/08 3:18 p.m.
Subject: Re: Check out this story
I don’t see why you’d get fired for something like this. Maybe it’s just that living in a frat really changes your perspective on things like pulling poop out of a toilet and sliding on your stomach butt naked on a floor covered with beer and piss
Mitch Martin to Hank Yerzimbeck, Mike Honcho
Sent 5/14/08 3:23 p.m.
Subject: Re: Check out this story
Yeah it really desensitizes you to the whole “handling human feces” thing.
Of course to be fair the teacher should have at least given him a garbage bag to use as arm protection. That’s just common courtesy.
Hank Yerzimbeck toMitch Martin, Mike Honcho
Sent 5/14/08 3:37 p.m.
Subject: Re: Check out this story
agrizzled
To be fair Lexington also shared this life experience with us but I forgot to include him on the email thread. I know, I’m the asshole.
For all you fans out there of Anchorman (and let’s be honest, you are definitely our target demographic), we have some good news. Looks like Will Ferrell, Adam McKay (the director), and everybody else, have signed on for a sequel! The bad news? You’re gonna have to wait a while. Maybe even 2 years. But everyone is definitely in.
Oh well, small price to pay for a new Anchorman, right? I leave you with my favorite sequence from the original movie.
Need to take a piss while in a meeting? Rub your leg. Uncontrollable coughing? Stick a finger in your ear. The Economic Times has complied a list of solutions to awkward work situations ranging from coughing to crying (look up). While the list is practical, it offers no help for more particular awkward situations like getting caught masturbating in your cubicle (tell them you have cancer, so it really doesn’t matter), or drunk driving into your office building (hey, I got here on time didn’t I?).
I know the 2 Girls 1 Cup video is dated, but this reaction to the video is hilarious. Some girl subjects her poor old grandma to the shit antics in that rancid video. Happy Valentine’s Day, bitches!
This is just your classic looking-down-the-barrel-of-a-loaded-gun mistake. How many times out of 10 do you think you’d look up after you get crapped on when you’re under a tree that you know is infested with Canadian Brown Finches? I mean, shit dude, you’re there reporting it!
A 19 year old’s poop crime spree has come to an end. The phantom shitter liked to poop in the apartment complex washing machines, while peoples clothes were in the process of being washed. He also had a habit of pooping in people’s shoes.
Goddamn it! Nothing would ruin your morning like sliding your socked foot into a steaming pile of shit. Shitting on someone’s clothes is a serious dickhead move but I have to give the kid an A for creativity. What makes you decide shitting in a washing machine is a good idea? Is that pot or alcohol? This wasn’t just a one time deal this kid was a serial pooper.
I tried to Google for the original news story but all I could find were a lot of articles about washing dealing with poop filled baby diapers in the washing machine.
Jason Panchalk, 36, who is currently residing in the Pima County Jail after being convicted for trafficking stolen property. Apparently Jason managed to smuggle syringes, matches, a lighter, heroin, marijuana and an assortment of pills into the jail all of which were hidden in his rectum. According to a Seargent at the jail inmates aren’t given a full cavity search when they are admitted.
“We strip them down, we have them open their mouth make sure they don’t have anything inside their mouth, they lift their tongue up and then we have them squat and cough. If they got good muscles, they’ll hold it up there.”
I have a feeling the squat and cough test is going to be phased out at the Pima County Jail after this little episode. How the fuck do you get a syringe up there plus other shit? (pun intended)
I really don’t have anything to write about this but the headline made me laugh. How did it get past an editor?
The story has something to do with hikers digging holes in a snow covered mountain and then leaving their shit there. Apparently other people want to use the already dug holes and don’t appreciate the original owner’s shit. Who the fuck wants to stay in a snow hole on the side of a goddamn mountain?
“People were out snow-holing before Christmas - the season usually kicks off in January.
Is it just me or does “snow-holing” sounds like some kind of sick sex act.
Seems that some overzealous churchgoers in Texas have decided that Interstate 35 (I-35) is holy. This is because in the Bible, Isaiah Chapter 35 Verse 8, it says, “A highway shall be there, and a road, and it shall be called the Highway of Holiness.” They are praying at the highway for 35 days in order to…well…who knows.
First off, ‘highway’ is a pretty liberal translation, but it’s in the King James bible, so we’ll go with it. I thought this was downright stupid since it’s obviously just a coincidence, but then I started seeing some eerie similarities with other Biblical/Highway connections.
(Note: these are all correct quotations from the Bible, from the correct locations)
For our beloved Interstate 5 (I-5) we go to Isaiah, Chapter 5, Verse 6: “I will make it a wasteland, neither pruned nor cultivated, and briers and thorns will grow there.” Sounds about right to me. Ever driven from Seattle to Portland?
For Route 61, that goes from New Orleans up through Memphis all the way to Wyoming, we got Romans Chapter 6 Verse 1, “What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?” Hello? Memphis? Graceland?
For California’s State Route 1 (the Pacific Coast Highway) we go to Song of Solomon Chapter 1 Verse 2, “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—for your love is more delightful than wine.” Um, kissing, wine…Cali-frickin-fornia?
Obviously this is divinely inspired. Or else it just goes to show you that you can find coincidental connections anywhere, if you look for them.
And just incidently…the most logical choice for inspiration for I-35, would really have been Isaish Chapter 3 Verse 5, wouldn’t it? That’s the closest match…they probably tried it on for size but weren’t too thrilled:
“People will oppress each other—
man against man, neighbor against neighbor.
The young will rise up against the old,
the base against the honorable.”
We have covered the whole 2 girls 1 cup thing pretty extensively here on Tasty Booze. For any of you who have been living with your head in the sand the 2 girls 1 cup video is arguably the most disgusting NSFW work video on the net. If you don’t believe me check out this clip of Joe Rogan gagging/dry heaving as he watches the video.
Imagine my surprise when I see a post on Valleywag this morning saying that Yahoo! returns recommendations for 2 girls 1 cup when you search for the word “link”. I had to see for myself and the screenshot below is from my laptop after I searched for “link”. What the fuck is Yahoo! trying to do to me? I am sure somebody at Yahoo! has to be famaliar with this video and would have put some kind of filter in place to prevent this.
Why would you spend $425 on something that you can accomplish with some applesauce and a canister of gold glitter?
It’s a pill dipped in gold and filled with 24-karat gold leaf. You’re supposed to eat it “to increase your self-worth.” That would be funny if it didn’t cost $425 for the joke. Supposedly an added benefit is that it will make your poop sparkle, but no one seems to have proven that part yet (and if you do, please don’t send us the pictures).
Why would you want to bling out your shit? Everyone uses the old “throwing money in the toilet” expression but this is literally flushing your money down the toilet. It’s not like you are going to put your $425 log of glittery shit in a jar and place it on the mantel.
Really!? Not a single person at Disney realized this was probably a shitty (pun intended) title for a cookbook? At first I figured it was just a clever photo shop job but I turned to my trusty friend Google and I was able to find the product page for the book on Amazon.com
