The Drunk History is a favorite here at TastyBooze, so here’s another installment, this time focusing on William Henry Harrison. Harrison was the 9th President of the United States and the first, and only (until McCain if he wins), President to die in office. For our previous posts on Drunk History, check them out here.

I never vouched for Tasty Booze readers being hygenic. And good thing I didn’t, because they are not. You overwhelming voted to allow your hair to grow untouched for an entire year, rather than go without sex - 73% to 27%. I have to admit, they both sound utterly miserable. And I respect the “idea” of no sex being worse than long hair. But practically speaking, let’s look in to this.

Your Work Life:

If you are a janitor, concession stand owner, roadie, or blogger you are probably fine with the long/disgusting hair. In fact, it is basically required for three-fourths of those. But for the rest of the working world, you may not be what we call “presentable”. Lack of sex though, could create some interesting and innappropriate situations in the office. But as long as you can control yourself, point goes to hair.

Your Sex Life:

Well, this one is easy. At least one way you have 1st, 2nd and 3rd base to strive for. With nasty ass hair, you got nothing. Nothing. Seriously, you don’t have that much game to pull off the super pubes. Nothing. Point, hair.

Come on, go without sex for a year. You already did a 17-year stretch early in your career. It’ll be nothing.

Ok. Picture the scene. It’s me. It’s me in my local buffet style lunch establishment.  It’s me just passing the delicious looking chicken section and coming across the following:

“This delicious couscous will really fill you up =)”

Hmmmm. Theories? Disgruntled employee…horny waitress…14 year old customer? I don’t know. But for some reason I want to know more than almost anything.  So if I had some, does that mean I have to question my sexuality?  Certainly not admitting I did (not that their is anything wrong with that), but come on, how can you have a stewy looking chicken thing without some of that cous son???

Last week I wrote about my impending trip to the Oregon Brewer’s Festival, the annual trip I make down I-5 (although I took the train this year, fucking gas prices!) to drink the sweetest brews from across the country. So here’s a short round up of some of the beers I at least remember tasting.

Coffee Bender, Surly Brewing Co. - I wasn’t about to throw down 4 tokens ($4), or even 1 token for a taste, of this beer. I can’t stand black coffee, so my opinion on this one is probably a little biased. It had a very strong bitter coffee taste and I could only handle a couple of sips. This beer is probably great if you like coffee and looking for something to give you a jolt of caffeine late at night.

Zon, Boulevard Brewing Co. - Normally you know what you’re getting into by the title of the beer, but all the sign said was, “Zon,” so I figured why not. It’s actually Belgian Witbier and kind of light in alcohol content (4.4%) - but had a great, smooth summer taste with a hint of orange. They even had great placement at the end of one of the tents, which means I could totally jump into the front of the line and get a refill with the quickness. Yes, I am that asshole, deal with it.

Quilter’s Irish Death, Iron Horse Brewery - I tried this on name and alcohol content alone. At 7.8%, I made sure to try this bad boy out early in the evening, before I turned into Irish Death. Iron Horse represented properly for Ellensburg, WA, as I was fearful of a stout…but it’s classified as an Imperial Sweet Stout, therefore it wasn’t too bitter or strong. But you could definitely tell you were getting your tokens’ worth of alcohol.

Dick’s IPA, Dick’s Brewing Co. - Some people may like Dick’s, nothing against its color, size or aftertaste, but I’m just not a huge fan of Dick’s… Dick’s IPA that is, of course. This year, more than the previous ones, I swear it was overloaded with IPAs, and we all know I love my ambers. They claim Dick’s IPA is “hopped to the extreme”, maybe that was my problem with this beer, but it just didn’t sit right with me. Maybe women will like the Dick’s better, who knows.

20th Anniversary Wit, Deschutes Brewery - We hit up the Deschutes Brewery for dinner one night, so I felt it was necessary to check out what they were pimpin’ at the beer festival. They pulled out all the stops for this Wit (my preferred genre for outdoor summer drinking), it was almost like a tastier version of the Zon. More orange and some other spices give it a bit of kick to go along with the refreshing aftertaste. I’ll be searching for this limited brew around Seattle this weekend, as it’s only available through September.

All in all, another successful Brewfest. Woooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!

Let’s recap. Tasty Booze readers would rather:

- Be allergic to beer over having their penis shrink an inch
- Go without their cell phone for a year over having to use dial-up internet
- Have to go on all 1st dates with their 8th grade hair style over 8th grade clothing

I like where this is going. But clearly we have strayed from the penis jokes for too long. So here we go. Remember to vote and comment if you have any clarification questions.

“Would you rather go without sex for an entire year or go without tending (shaving/trimming/plucking) any of the hair on your body for an entire year?”

Mitch Martin: “Are we talking just sex sex, or all hooking up activities?”
J Diggles: “Just sex sex.”

Baba Ganoush: “Can you just seep yourself in Nair and do away with it all?”
J Diggles: “Don’t try to cheat me. No.”

Mr Wonka: “Can you shave everything completely before day one?”
J Diggles: “Sure.”

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The masses have spoken, and I think they hit it on the head this time.  65% of you would rather have to go on all future first dates with your 8th grade hair than your 8th grade clothing.  8th grade was a while ago for me, but I dont really think my hair has changed all that much.  But THANK GOD I am no longer wearing white jeans, Cross Colours and overall shorts with one strap.

For Guys:

Let’s face it.  Guys go bald.  No matter how bad your hair was in 8th grade, I suspect most would rather have it than no hair.  Or at least that’s what Wonka told me.  And on top of that, a majority of guys didn’t really know what they were doing with their clothes in 8th grade.  Hence the overall shorts with one strap I referred to earlier.  And did I mention they were some sort of extra special stone wash?  Not that I don’t appreciate Ross Dress For Less, but that was my mom’s choice shopping location for my duds back in the day.  I’ll take the hair, even if I did sport the Vanilla Ice lines on the side for a time….

For Girls:

I don’t really know is the honest answer.  But I did got an inside tip from a lady that a girls hair back in the day was a scary, scary thing.  And no matter how bad the clothes are, they weren’t as bad.  But with girls, they can get away with anything if they are hot.  A guy might laugh at them a bit after the first date is over, but regardless of hair or clothes, if she’s hot he will call.

But since I am writing this, I win.  And the hair wins.  Ice Ice Baby.

Last year Soulja Boy managed to take his one-hit wonder “Crank That” to epic heights thanks in part to a YouTube video with Barney.

But this year belongs to Lil Wayne. His album, Tha Carter III (read the TastyBooze review), sold more than 1 million copies in the first week and his next single featuring T-Pain, “Got Money,” is already getting tons of radio air play.

With no official video out yet, and considering our love of the Smurfs and Lil Wayne’s short stature, we thought this was a perfect pairing. TastyBooze now presents Papa Wayne featuring Smurf-Pain in “Got Money”:

Does Lil Wayne hold the title of “The Best Rapper Alive”?

Well, maybe not. But the best rapper currently signed to a major label, that’s could be up for debate.

Most “best rapper” lists give you the standard:
Tupac: Dead.
Biggie: Dead.
Nas: Slowly coming out of his “Nastradamus” and “I Am” malaise.
Jay-Z: Retired after a mega-hit, then came out with his biggest piece of shit CD to date.
Eminem: Am I the only one who thinks his rapping style has gone off the deep end? How many farting and burping sounds can you put in your music and still be taken seriously?
Snoop: Now more a caricature of his gangster image then anything else, and his only really good album was well over a decade ago.
50 Cent: The hard core gangster rap revival lasted for about one CD, and well, now it’s over.
Dre: Awesome producer, great mind, mediocre rapper.
Rakim: The 80’s are over.
Big Daddy Kane: Ditto.
KRS-One: Super ditto.
Kanye: See the Dre comment.
Talib Kweli: Maybe the best lyricist, but these days rap is about making that cash.
Common: Yes, I realize this is a contradiction to what I just said about Talib, but get off Kanye’s cash dick, you used to be better.
Outkast: Together they are great. Solo? We won’t go there.
Tribe: Same.
Diddy: I can’t believe I wasted time writing his name.

So given that the so-called best are either dead, coming off a shitty album or albums, no longer rapping, or just plain not that awesome, maybe Lil Wayne has an argument as the current best rapper alive.

Regardless of your opinion, here’s ours of his latest work…”Tha Carter III.”

So Baba, what’s your favorite and least favorite song?
[Read more →]

On May 15 we laid down the rules of fist bumping. Understand that fist bumping is a general term, we know people call it a number of other things: daps, fist pound, locking-it-up, gay, knuckles, etc. Whatever you call it, the fist bump has been around for a long time and has a number of different origins. Last week, the fist bump entered the spotlight thanks to Obama and his wife, so everyone who was never cool enough to give or receive a fist bump thought it was the new hotness.

The New York Post wrote an article discussing this cultural phenomenon and came calling to TastyBooze for our input. Here’s an excerpt of the article:

With the fist-pound in the national spotlight, it’s easy to forget that some had already considered it past its prime. Bud Light declared it “over” in their 2007 “face-slap” Super Bowl commercial, and after viewing a picture of two white men in suits fist-pounding to celebrate a business deal, the Web site tastybooze.com recently posted a list of rules as a declaration against “inappropriate fist bumping.”

While Obama broke the rule that “if you are wearing a suit, you may only fist bump if you are drunk,” two other rules let him off the hook.

“If somebody puts the fist up for you to bump, you have to bump it back,” says … Mr. Wonka. “And if a girl puts a fist bump up for you, there’s absolutely no situation at all where you can refuse it. Absolutely none.”

Good stuff, Obama, way to follow the rules…we’re still working on Letterman. We’re sure the summer will be filled with many fist bumps to come and if you want to see that Bud Light commercial, go here.

Check out the entire article and photos of the fist bump here: The New York Post - Obama’s Feeling Punchy

(*regarding the headline - Yes, a fist bump is appropriate, as I am not in a meeting or wearing a suit, but I sure as well am drunk!)

All About Beer Magazine published a list of 125 Places to Have a Beer Before You Die. The list seems to be pretty thorough, although the top is heavily populate with Euro trash European establishments, the good ol’ U.S. of A. represents at the No. 1 spot with the Great American Beer Festival in Denver, Colo., and Monk’s Cafe in Philadelphia barely making the top 10 in the ninth spot.

There’s a handful of Northwest locations that make the list, the majority of which are in Oregon, with only Stumbling Monk representing for Seattle, which takes the No. 124th spot on the list. This is kind of sad, since I can immediately think of at least five places that will drink Stumbling Monk under the table - obviously the author has never been to Joey’s on a Friday night.

Here’s the complete list, take a gander and then throw down some suggestions for your favorites in the comments. Shout out to the Old Ebbitt Grill at the 121st place, which I visited last week in DC.

The New York Times ran an article on Sunday about the stress associated with being a blogger and the ever demanding lifestyle of always being connected. In the article, they cited the death of two older tech bloggers who recently passed away due to heart problems. Although the connection wasn’t really medically substantiated, blogging basically killed them.

It’s just a friendly reminder to take everything in moderation and have that balance in your life between TastyBooze, work, social life and, the all important, down time.

Original Story: The New York Times.

Earlier this year, TastyBooze proved our sports knowledge by predicting the Super Bowl. Of course, only myself and J Diggles went out on a limb and picked the New York Giants, but I think we’ve all learned from our mistakes.

So, here we are, March Madness is coming to a close with the Final Four this Saturday and the Championship Game on Monday night. All No. 1 seeds, a front runners’ dream! Below are the TastyBooze Staff predictions. Some of us will be watching and betting on these games, or on a beach in Mexico not giving a fuck. Don’t worry, we know even less about college basketball (well, at least men’s college basketball). But we don’t give a shit, all of our brackets are busted, so take these predictions with a grain of salt. I on the other hand will be betting my life savings on Kansas!

J Diggles: As much as I want to see the excitement that is Kevin Love vs. Tyler Hansbrough, Memphis is going to rain on this parade and keep raining all the way to the championship. Joey Dorsey eats rookie Love for dinner in game one and then Derrick Rose says “Bye Lawson” in the final. Memphis 82, UNC 77

Baba Ganoush: Memphis shoots worse from the free-throw line than I do, UCLA rolls. Kansas finally gets their revenge on Roy Williams and all white people at UNC. In the championship, it’s Rock Chalk Jayhawk, baby! Kansas all around offense and maturity prevail against the bitch-ass Bruins. Kansas 71, UCLA 63

Mitch Martin: I know jack shit about college basketball so it is hard to write anything here that will sound smart or well informed. However I will be in the sweet land that is Las Vegas this weekend and I definitely will be dropping some coin in the sports book. I think UCLA is going all the way (Pac-10 represent!) so I have to pick them over Memphis. For Kansas vs. UNC I am going to take Kansas for the Roy Williams revenge factor mentioned by Baba and the fact that UNC beat WSU so I want to see them go down (I might as well pick this based on uniform design). UCLA 75, Kansas 67

Mr. Wonka: Memphis is stacked with tall, lanky, athletic players, I hear that is good for basketball. Free throws won’t matter when they are dunking over UCLA’s fat-boy Kevin Love. UNC has more fire power than Kansas and Roy Williams sticks it to the Jayhawks yet again. In the final, UNC continues to roll, giving Memphis only their second loss of the season, but it’s costly, “He Loved It.” UNC 80, Memphis 75

Mike Honcho: I don’t know shit about NCAA basketball. I do know that the MLB season started this week and that’s what I’ll be concentrating on this weekend. But, since I’m a Coug, and UCLA is in the PAC-10, go UCLA! If they win, WSU gets money. Plus, they have this cat on their squad named Kevin Love, who the announcers want to bend over and “What, what, do it in the butt” (thanks, Butters). Go Dr. Love! UCLA 81, UNC 74

Ol’ Dirty Curty: Really, who the fuck knows? But, Memphis has a bigger (total) package than UCLA. The Bruins tend to stay out of foul trouble so Memphis’ crap shoot at the line shouldn’t come into play. Dorsey gives Love a reach around in compensation for violation. One more missed/made shot and Kansas isn’t even in the Final Fuckin’ Four. Davidson is not UNC, and Kansas is not consistent. Their mission for revenge will fail. Championship = great game. UNC 72, Memphis 70

Bill Brasky: There is only one Final Four and it already happened. The Ohio State University is the National Champion!

If you want follow my twitter click this link and it will zoom you off to my profile. On the flip side if you have a Twitter profile leave your user name or a link to your profile in the comments to that I can feel popular and get my stalker on.

Typography + film audio = awesome. Mr Diggles collected his favorites here and they’re worth seeing.

Perhaps all we need is audio and the text, with some genius typographer leading us along. The same way John Williams knew what the shark was doing…Maybe image is dead. Bad news for filmmakers like me, but hey, I accept the inevitable future. Either way, it’s fun as hell.

See all you might want here.

By the bye, Mr. Diggles is an old friend of mine, and one that may not remember that we were ever friends. But he’s smart and internet savvy enough to figure it out. So add him to your daily reads and thank me later. Really…it’s good stuff.

Tonight the top 10 contestants on American Idol will be performing songs from their birth year. For the 24-year-old Kristy Lee Cook, this means it all comes down to 1984. Here are the top 10 songs from 1984 according to Music Outfitters:

1. “When Doves Cry” - Prince
2. “What’s Love Got To Do With It” - Tina Turner
3. “Say Say Say” - Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson
4. “Footloose” - Kenny Loggins
5. “Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now)” - Phil Collins
6. “Jump” - Van Halen
7. “Hello” - Lionel Richie
8. “Owner Of A Lonely Heart” - Yes
9. “Ghostbusters” - Ray Parker Jr.
10. “Karma Chameleon” - Culture Club

You can check out the complete list of the top 100 here. The list doesn’t really have a lot of good country music, which is probably good for Kristy Lee. On the other hand, there are a lot of classic ’80s tunes during this year, however I’m going to urge Kristy to stay away from performing “Ghostbusters” or “Jump.” Somehow, I don’t think Simon Cowell is going to be a fan of those two chart-toppers.

I have a good feeling about this week though. The TastyBooze nation is getting a hang of the voting (remember to text/call tonight!) and hopefully this week we won’t put Kristy Lee through the agony of being in the bottom two or three again. She deserves the break after what her home state of Oregon has been through already this week.