Here are the ten shows that every guy will claim to hate when surrounded by a bunch of dicks but secretly enjoys watching either alone or with a girl.

Gilmore Girls - I mean, their just like us! Emotions, gossip and fast talking, who could for anything more? Ok, really, Lauren Graham is hot, and the show actually has interesting dialogue and good one-liners.

The Hills - The dialogue is terrible. Their lives, storylines and jobs are as fake as Heidi Montage’s breasts and personality. Spencer is the default Douchebag of the Week. But the girls are hot and we can’t help but laugh (on the inside, of course) at the cattiness as our ladyfriends get worked up about the poor fashion and life decisions of LC, Audrina, Whitney and Lo.

Award Shows - One of the very few times that you are actually allowed to stare at cleavage for 3 hours in front of your girlfriend. Add funny hosts and the possibility of A-listers tripping on live TV and this can be a fun night.

Project Runway -Fierce! Yep, I caught every episode of last season. Who doesnt like seeing gay dudes, at least one emo dude and a bunch of annoying chicks duke it out? Plus you’ve got at least two guaranteed appearances by Heidi Klum per episode and more tattoos than Miami Ink.

America’s Next Top Model - “What? That skinny bitch just beat the girl with big tits.” This visible anger makes your girlfriend want to sleep with you more because you think the “fat” one is hotter

Dancing With The Stars - Jerry Rice, Emmit Smith, Floyd Mayweather, Jerry Springer, Adam Carolla….that sounds manly enough. Plus if you let your girlfriend get just a hint of an idea that you might be willing to take ballroom dancing lessons with her you will get ultra-laid that night.

The Girls Next Door - This one is kind of a no brainer. Three ridiculously hot girls and the 82 year old man that is banging all three. I am always hoping that a boob will slip by the E! censors but those assholes run a tight ship. This would be the single greatest show on television if it was on HBO.

Olympic Trials - I may not have the patriotism to stop myself from fleeing to Canada if the Army called, but I sure as hell want to beat the shit out of China/Uzbekistan/and Sweden in the gold medal count. Besides it’s one of the few times you can watch generally underage girls in ridiculous small/tight outfits and not be called a pervert.

America’s Best Dance Crew - I will talk some shit when the lady friend puts this on but I have to admit the kids on this show have some pretty kick ass moves. Throw in Mario Lopez and Lil Mama’s sequined hats and I can suffer through it. Sidenote: If you pay attention Lil Mama never actually judges anybody despite the fact that it’s her job.

Sex And The City - Being able to throw out some Sex and the City references during casual conversation will always score you brownie points with the ladies. Plus it’s on HBO which means there is a 73% you will see some boobie in any given episode.

Even booze hounds need to have goals in life so, I decided to come up with a list of the 10 things that every true drinker should accomplish before they die. Not every item on the list requires drinking massive quantities of alcohol. Once you have covered every item on this list you will be a well rounded drinker who should have a shit-ton of good stories to tell. Personally I can put a check mark next to six of these so it looks like I still have some work to do. Figure out where you stand and then plan your weekends accordingly.

Case In A Day - 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I prefer to think not. You need to sit down with a couple of friends and a couple of cases and power through the day and the case. People that have never done this think it’s easy and the people that have, know it’s not. Added Difficulty: Keep a hand written journal of what you are doing each time you crack a beer. Bonus Points: If anything is legible after beer 17.

Run The Taps At A Bar… Conditions: must have 12 or more taps. This is pretty self explanatory. Belly up to the bar and order a single pint of every beer they have on tap one after the other. You are going to get to try a lot of new beers and chances are you will be piss drunk before the sun goes down.

Century Club - Pretty simple, 100 shots of beer in 100 minutes without puking. Much like the case in a day challenge people always think this is easy until they actually try it. 60 seconds starts feeling like 5 seconds once you pass the 70 minute mark.

Brew Your Own Beer - Yeah it might not taste that great and you will be “that guy” that makes all your friends try their shitty brew but every true booze hound has to give it a shot at least once.

Pub Crawl Conditions: 12 or more pubs covering at least 1 mile. There is nothing better than getting a big group of friends together on a sunny day and catching a buzz while going on a walk. A beer at each stop with a short walk in between and you will be primed for a night of debauchery.
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Here is the actual headline of the article.

10 best excuses for coming to work late

Here is their list of excuses.

1. While rowing across the river to work, I got lost in the fog.
2. Someone stole all my daffodils.
3. I had to go audition for American Idol.
4. My ex-husband stole my car so I couldn’t drive to work.
5. My route to work was shut down by a Presidential motorcade.
6. I have transient amnesia and couldn’t remember my job.
7. I was indicted for securities fraud this morning.
8. The line was too long at Starbucks.
9. I was trying to get my gun back from the police.
10. I didn’t have money for gas because all of the pawn shops were closed.

Really!? I wouldn’t throw a single one of those shitbox excuses at my boss. I don’t think I could say a single one of them with a straight face.

Personally I think Thai food is your best friend when it comes to getting out of work. Whether you are going to call in sick or you just need an excuse for being late once you say “bad Thai food” everyone instantly understands and doesn’t want to hear any more details.

Original Story: CNN.com

It’s time for the highly touted division 1/ Bowl Championship Series Championship/highest revenue teams play other high revenue teams for the 2008 college football revenue championship game. Unlike many other bowl games this year, the championship game pits two teams that are primarily referred to as their acronyms! Fun all around. Of course pundits have been running their mouths all of December debating if OSU is too slow, if LSU is too humid, or if a tiger would die form eating a poisonous nut, etc., but of course they are all idiots. Like every good Sociology major knows, the key prognosticating tool for bowl games is a close examination of the statistics and structural components of the two teams competing. Accordingly, OSU and LSU by the numbers…

1. Starting kicker height, weight, and age:

OSU – Ryan Pretorious 5’9” 175 age 28

LSU – Patrick Fisher 6’5” 238 age 22

Edge: on paper it looks like LSU has the advantage, but the Buckeye kicker is 28 and white African, that’s right he was born in Africa, and is white, and is 28. Clearly, being an ethnic oxymoron, and 6 years older than the competition allows Ryan to gain the advantage here, even though he gives up 63 pounds and 8 inches. Edge-OSU

2. Backup quarterback arrested for soliciting a prostitute who was an undercover cop:

OSU – 1

LSU – 0

Edge: If Henton can’t find tail in the OSU dorms, how is he going to find the tailback on the field? (Interesting note: the sex of the undercover cop was never revealed in the arrest reports leading one to wonder?) Edge-LSU

3. Cheerleader named Codi Cox:

OSU – 0

LSU – 1

Edge: Really, there is nothing to say that is remotely appropriate here. I am sure she is a team and fan favorite. She also hates her dad. Edge-LSU

4. Student enrollment:

OSU – 50,504

LSU – 31,264

Edge: Given that OSU must have a much larger alumni base, who have not recently been ravaged by a national disaster, suggests that the OSU fans at the BCS Championship game are likely to be 2.5 to 3 times more drunk than their humid neighbors. Once the game is over, regardless of the victor, Buckeye fans, at a ratio of 10:1, will attempt to light furniture on fire, but will be foiled by the general dampness of all physical objects, and will end up vandalizing Habitat for Humanity recovery projects. Got to love those Buckeye fans! Edge-LSU

5. Legalized toplessness:

OSU – yes

LSU – yes

Edge: Who knew? While it’s legal to be topless in Columbus no one wants to see that. Edge-LSU

6. School closest to Kenny George

OSU – 483 miles

LSU – 733 miles

Edge: Kenny George (UNC Ashville) is supposed to be a football player but somehow found his way onto the court at 7’7” 360. At his size, he is considered a gravitational force to be reckoned with. Those in Columbus have experienced flying objects being pulled in the general direction of North Carolina over the past couple months. This unnatural phenomenon has improved the accuracy and composure of the OSU quarterbacks when they play further away from Kenny, much like running in the high altitude of Kenya has improved the marathon time of numerous Kenyan runners. Edge-OSU

7. School that has the best photos on Google image when I type in “funny looking (Ohio State or LSU) fan”

OSU – more

LSU – less

Edge: the best is the Michigan mangina photo. Extra credit goes to the spring break photo of OSU coeds. Ladies always look classy with their pants pulled down and writing on their back. Edge-OSU

8. 2007 first round NBA draft picks

OSU – 3

LSU – 0

Edge: While that Davis fellow from LSU is doing well as of late, OSU clearly takes the cake here, even with Oden out for the year. Plus, Davis’ player photo looks like this

Edge-OSU

9. Team rushing and passing (per game)

OSU – 523 attempts (4.6 avg) / 304 attempts (196.4 avg)

LSU – 563 attempts (5.1 avg) / 415 attempts (229.2 avg)

Edge: Rushing is only slightly significantly different, somewhere around 7 yards a game difference, essentially negligible. On the passing side, LSU has a clear edge, coupled with more rushing attempts suggests that LSU is on offense more often than OSU (even accounting for the extra game played), about a drive or two more a game. This is critical, as LSU is good at controlling the ball on offense, and OSU hopes to use its defense to gain field position. For now, LSU has the edge, but it’s going to come down to turnovers I tell you. And possibly the kicking game, but we have already discussed that. Edge-LSU

10. Head coach

OSU – Jim Tressel

LSU – Les Miles

Edge: Tressel prays a lot, wears a sweater vest, and is known as “The Vest.” Miles turned down a better job at Michigan, prays less, wears a hat, and is known as “The Hat.” The Vest has gotten to more championships, but is less appropriate in hot weather. The Hat is dumb. Edge-OSU

All said and done:

OSU 19

LSU 11

Below are just a few of the winners from theforceintheflesh.com’s list of the top 10 craziest Star Wars tattoos. There is nothing like a little Yoda Santa to get you into the holiday spirit. One of the thumbnails below involves R2D2 doing something to a naked Princess Leia that I didn’t even know robots could do which makes it kind of NSFW so block your screen.

Can anyone explain the thought process to me that leads up to someone deciding to get a tattoo of a stormtrooper railing away on Captain Kirk? It has to involve at least a fifth of whiskey, right?

Original Post: Top 10 Craziest Star Wars Tattoos

Just about everyone I know has dropped a Vince Vaughn movie quote or reference at some point during a conversation to make a joke. We figured it was time to go back through some of Vince’s movies and pull out some of the best quotes his characters have had. Every time I read these they make me laugh.

Swingers
Trent Walker: There’s nothing wrong with letting the girls know that you’re money and that you want to party.

Trent Walker: I don’t want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie everyone’s *really* hoping makes it happen. I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie, you know, the guy you’re not sure whether or not you like yet. You’re not sure where he’s coming from. Okay? You’re a bad man. You’re a bad man, Mikey. You’re a bad man, bad man.

Made
Ricky Slade: Here’s 50 bucks, take this in case I get drunk and call you a bitch later.

Dodgeball
Peter La Fleur: I found that if you have a goal, that you might not reach it. But if you don’t have one, then you are never disappointed. And I gotta tell ya… it feels phenomenal.

Old School
Bernard “Beanie” Campbell: Six weeks ago Abdul here had a one way ticket to an arranged marriage with a broad he never met in Bangladesh. Now he’s crushing ass every Thursday night at our mixers.

Bernard “Beanie” Campbell: Well, Columbus wasn’t looking for America, my man, but that turned out to be pretty okay for everyone.

Bernard “Beanie” Campbell: Max, can you earmuff for me? We are going to get so much ass here, it’s going to be sick. I’m talking like crazy boy band ass.

Bernard “Beanie” Campbell: Alright, let me be the first to say congratulations to then. You get one vagina for the rest of your life. Real smart Frank. Way to work it through.

Wedding Crashers
Jeremy Grey: I’m a cocksman!

Jeremy Grey: I don’t give a baker’s fuck!

Jeremy Grey: A friend in need is a pest.

Jeremy Grey: Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion!

Jeremy Grey: Lock it up!

Jeremy Grey: Why don’t you try getting jacked off under the table in front of the whole damn family and have some real problems, jackass. Hey, what were they like anyway? They looked pretty good, are they real? Are they built for speed or comfort? What’d you do with them? Motorboat? You play the motorboat? [makes sputtering motorboat noise] You motor boating son of a bitch! You old sailor you! Where is she? She still in the house?

The Break-Up
Gary Grobowski: There’s a real big gap between getting your ass kicked and having a dancing, singing sprite fool you with trickery and then strike your throat before you even know you’re in a fight. But I wouldn’t expect someone like you to understand that, because all you do is make moves from up in your ivory tower.

It surprised me to find that Homer Simpson has 2 out of the top 3 quotes in this list. There are great quotes in the list but I don’t really agree with the order they have been put in or that they are the 25 greatest. For instance this Dean Martin quote has always been one of my favorites and it didn’t even make the list: “You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.”

Here are a couple that did make the cut:

4. I drink to make other people interesting. –George Jean Nathan.

6. I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day. –Frank Sinatra

13. I never eat breakfast on an empty stomach. –WC Fields

19. I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered. –George Best

Full List: OnMyList.com

Gangster movies have always had a hold over me and as long as I can remember they have been my favorite kind of movie. Something about the mafia is so intriguing that I just can’t get enough. Below are the official Tasty Booze Top 7 Gangster Movies. Do yourself a favor and rent them if you haven’t seen all of these.

7 - Donnie Brasco - This is the true story of the life of FBI agent Joseph Pistone. Pistone infiltrated the New York mob in the 70’s and befreinded gangster Lefty Ruggiero. Pistone (who is known to the mobsters as Donnie Brasco) joins a crew led by Sonny Black, who is eventually made a ‘boss’. Things go badly for Pistone as his marriage falls apart and the heat truns up as the mafia suspects there is a mole. The real dilemna for Pistone is leaving the mob, as he knows his freind Lefty will be punished.

6 - The Untouchables - Set during the 1920’s prohibition. Chicago is corrupt from the judges downward. Treasury agent Eliot Ness picks two cops to help him and his colleague bring Al Capone to justice. One is an Italian sharp-shooter rookie, the other an Irish beat cop. The 4 men use unconventional means to bring Capone down.

5 - Casino - The film is about Ace Rothstein and Nicky Santoro, two mobsters who move to Las Vegas to work. The uncredited character in this film is Vegas itself, at times both a glittering wonderland, and a brutal wasteland. Ace is a smooth operator and boss of the Tangiers casino, while Nicky is his longtime friend and strongman. Each of the two have tragic flaws, that result in their downfall. Ace falls for a no-good hustler, and Nicky falls into a deadly spiral of violence and drugs. Casino is a great film, and a testament to the vision of Martin Scorsese.

4 - The Departed - In South Boston, the state police force is waging war on Irish-American organized crime. Young undercover cop Billy Costigan is assigned to infiltrate the mob syndicate run by gangland chief Frank Costello. While Billy quickly gains Costello’s confidence, Colin Sullivan, a hardened young criminal who has infiltrated the state police as an informer for the syndicate, is rising to a position of power in the Special Investigation Unit. Each man becomes deeply consumed by his double life, but when it becomes clear to both the mob and the police that there’s a mole in their midst, Billy and Colin are suddenly in danger of being caught and exposed to the enemy

3 - The Godfather: Part II - This film parallels the young Vito Corleone’s rise with his son Michael’s spiritual fall, deepening The Godfather’s depiction of the dark side of the American dream. In the early 1900s, the child Vito flees his Sicilian village for America after the local Mafia kills his family. Vito struggles to make a living, legally or illegally, for his wife and growing brood in Little Italy, killing the local Black Hand Fanucci after he demands his customary cut of the tyro’s business. With Fanucci gone, Vito’s communal stature grows, but it is his family (past and present) who matters most to him — a familial legacy then upended by Michael’s business expansion in the 1950s.

2 - Goodfellas - This film is everything you could want in a gangster movie; violent, profane, fast paced, stylish - full of both mesmerizing and miserable moments. The film focuses on the lives of three pivotal figures in the 60’s and 70’s New York mob. Liotta plays Henry Hill, an American-Italian gangster. The story begins with his childhood in the toughest neighbourhoods in New York, and progresses as he moves his way up through the organization. Pesci plays Tommy Devito, a true Italian gangster, and Henry’s best friend. De Niro plays Jimmy Conway, the man who puts the two of them together, an old-time gangster. The three run some of the biggest hijacks and burglaries New York has ever seen.

1 -The Godfather - From the direction, to acting, writing, to the score, The Godfather has ‘classic’ written all over it. It is considered by many to be one of the greatest films of all time. The Godfather defined the genre more than almost any film ever made. Brando in top form. Don Vito Corleone is the head of the New York Mafia. The story begins when a gangster supported by another Mafia family, announces his plan to sell drugs across New York. Don Vito despises drugs, and is happy with the gambling, protection and established rackets, and so an attempt is made on Don Corleone’s life. Things go badly when Don Corleone survives the attempt…