Anytime you spend a total of almost ten hours in a van with 5 college buddies and three of their girlfriends interesting topics of conversation are going to arise. About seven of the ten hours are spent reminiscing about the glory days but then you still have those three hours that need to be filled with a new topic.

We were rehashing events of the previous night and discussing leaving bodily fluids on hotel beds when our buddy Tony schooled us with the vocab word five-roper. None us knew what the fuck he was talking about until he explained, “You know, when you blow your load and there are five individual shots or ropes.” At this point the entire van erupted into laughter. I was laughing so hard I was crying which made steering the van a little dicey for a few hundred yards.

After two hours of discussing the finer points of roping I was under the impression that the five-roper was the gold standard that could only be obtained after a few months of “build up”. Imagine my surprise when I consulted Urban Dictionary before writing this post and discovered that the eight-roper is actually the holy grail of roping.

An eight-roper is a huge load of cum that is shot onto a girl. Each spurt of cum counts as one rope, and to shoot an eight-roper is the holy grail of cumots. Most cumhots are between 3 and 5 ropers, with each rope becoming exponentially more difficult to shoot.

I think I am pretty standard four-roper but I am going to have to step my game and see if I can achieve the eight-holy-grail-roper.

Urban Dictionary

December 26 not only marks the beginning of Kwanzaa, but is also Boxing Day. “What is Boxing Day?” you may ask. Well, if you are a resident of the United States, you probably don’t give a shit. But if your country was at one time under British-rule (that’s right, I wrote it), you probably have heard of Boxing Day or it at least shows up on your calendar as a possible holiday.

Does Boxing Day have something to do with the sport of boxing? A holiday in honor of the vagina? Possibly associated with moving or relocating? A day to trash/recycle/burn all the boxes from Christmas? All wrong. Enough of the historical inaccuracies, time to quote Wikipedia:

Boxing Day is a public holiday celebrated in the United Kingdom, Canada, New Zealand and Australia and many other members of the Commonwealth of Nations on December 26, the day after Christmas Day. Boxing Day is a traditional celebration, dating back to the Middle Ages, and consisted of the practice of giving out gifts to employees, the poor, or to people in a lower social class. The name has numerous folk etymologies; the Oxford English Dictionary attributes it to the Christmas box; the verb box meaning: “To give a Christmas-box; whence boxing-day.”

Effing sweet! Although this holiday may seem inferior because it’s celebrated by America’s hat, I think this is something the U.S. definitely needs to adopt (like Elian Gonzalez). Maybe I’m saying this out of frustration as one of five people in the office today (bullshit!), and agree that Christmas should be surrounded by days off before and after, but also because the “practice of giving out gifts to employees” has a nice ring to it. The least my boss could do is throw me a gift card or a free lunch for holding down the fort while she sleeps-in, shops, goes ice-skating, gets hammered, etc.

In honor of Boxing Day, I’m leaving work right now! Happy Boxing Day to all!

In this day and age in order to stay hip and cool you have to keep up with the lingo. For old guys like me that can be difficult. Sure my boys Rob & Big turned me on to “son” which I have successfully integrated into my vocab but I need more then one source to stay current. Luckily UrbanDictionary has a Word of the Day feature to help guys like me out. I am not going to get crazy and learn a new word everyday. That is just a recipe for burnout. I think something like two a week is a little more manageable. I will be sure to post whatever words I choose here so that everyone can learn along at home. Here is my first selection.

baby bear

adj. - when something is “just right.” Not too hot or too cold, not too big or too small, etc.

“Are you hungry?”
“Naw man… I’m baby bear.”

Urban Dictionary: Baby Bear