TV is one of my most sacred pastimes. I was only allowed one hour a day growing up. Which is of course why I only “read” and did “homework” in those 3 hours between when I got off of school and my mom returned home from work. Saved By The Bell re-runs and MTV’s The Grind didn’t count…

Would you rather have to watch all TV with subtitles or have to buy everything you watch on TV iTunes style?

Mitch Martin: “Are the subtitles just stuck on the screen on every TV you watch, or is the audio really in another language?”
J Diggles: “Another language.”

Baba Ganoush: “Can you learn the other language?”
J Diggles: “Sure, it’s German.”

Mr Wonka: “Do the iTunes shows come with advertisements?”
J Diggles: “Yes, just the like the regular show would.”

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Last week we asked you, Would you rather be allergic to beer, or have your penis shrink by an inch? And 64% of you answered that you would rather be allergic to beer. Well, as it turns out, 64% of you answered wrong. Why? Well, I asked the question, so I get to decide the answer. All you get to do is reply in the comment section that I am an idiot…which, of course, is always welcome.

Your Social Life:

So, yes, if you still play Star Wars in the toilet with your best guy friend you might be a little embarrassed by the smaller penis. But assuming you are no longer 7 years old, this probably isn’t a big deal. On the other hand, what the hell are you going to do with the guys without beer??? Going to bars, now sucks. Playing cards, now sucks. Going to strip clubs, now sucks. BBQ’ing, now sucks. Beer is a necessity in your social life. Inch longer penises are not. Point: Beer.

Your Sex Life

Ok, so the inch longer penis clearly is more important here than above. You want to impress the ladies, no doubt. But, let’s be honest, how are you even going to get the ladies to your bedroom without the assistance of beer. Beer puts you in that smooth “I am not too drunk, but am buzzed enough to hit on the girls” mood. Where as, hard alcohol puts you in that “I am fearless and will try to get in the girls pants at the bar and then get slapped” mood. Besides, you aren’t using your penis to get them into bed. And once they are there it’s not like they are going to look at it and run….you are still golden. Point: Beer.

Your Personal Life:

Masturbating with a smaller penis is probably easier, and you waste less of that valuable lotion. Besides, what are you going to drink while sitting home alone in your boxers playing NCAA Football 2009? Point: Beer.

Sorry penis lovers, it’s a clean sweep. 3-0 Beer. Besides, as one of our commenter’s pointed out, your penis is only really worthwhile between the ages of 20-40….and beer is the companion that gives forever.  Drink up.

J Diggles had a great idea in his More Douchebags in Pink Polos post when he suggested that we have a Douche Bag Poll-Off (DBPO) between a couple of douches wearing previously mentioned pink polos. I thought a DBPO was a great idea so I setup a little section to the right in our sidebar where you the reader can decide who the bigger douche bag is.

We post a picture or video of a douche bag almost once a week here on Tasty Booze and we feel it is time to crown a champion. Using Hank’s amazing bracketology skills we will great a March Madness style tournament and have a head to head DBPO until we crown a champion.

I need some help from you the reader. I am trying to understand why no one votes in our weekly poll that we put in the sidebar? Is it not funny? Is making a choice and clicking the “Vote” button just too much of a hassle? I mean I realize that last week was a little slow with only about 2,100 page views but the poll loaded on every one of those goddamn page views and we only had 37 votes. The real bitch of it is that I probably accounted for 10 of those votes.

If the poll is a bad idea we can get rid of it. I am not married to it or anything I just thought it would be a fun way for you the reader to interact with the site a little bit. If you have an idea for a poll that you think would work well on the site please email it to tastybooze@gmail.com and I will put it up.

Maybe for each new poll we should write a post introducing it to get your attention. Maybe there is something even better than a poll that I have never heard of. I don’t know.

Last week’s Tastybooze Poll (Let’s Be Honest, If I Really Tried I Would Dominate At ____) was another enlightening moment for men everywhere. Thanks to a weekend surge by “Picking Up Chicks At The Bar”, we had a tie at the top, with “Any Woman’s Sport” and the aforementioned “Picking Up Chicks” both receiving 28% of the vote. (Side note: I wonder what super-hotty and all-world tennis player Maria Sharapova or this girl would think about that?). Anyway, oddly enough, “Picking Up Chicks” got its key votes from our readers Friday and Saturday night. So unless Tastybooze.com is your blackberry’s homepage, I am guessing our faithful were not out at the bars hitting on girls. And if you were voting from your blackberry, well then I applaud you.

For all of you “Picking Up Chick” voters, I’d like to hear your strategies, because who doesn’t need some help in this area? One thing I have learned from friends who do it well is that indifference is key. A good buddy of mine constantly approaches it like a math problem. If he goes up to 10 girls Saturday night, 6 will speak to him, 3 will dance, 2 will give their number, and 1 will….uh, you know. The law of large numbers, gotta love it.

The rest of the Poll:

- Any woman’s sport = 28%

- Picking up chicks at the bar = 28%

- Sportscenter Anchor = 17%

- WNBA = 14%

- Texas Hold ‘Em = 13%

And P.S. - Danica Patrick, if you are reading this, let’s grab dinner and a movie or somethin’…

Well, I don’t know about the rest of you, but I personally learned something last week. In our “What do men secretly love” poll, Tighty Whitey’s pushed to the lead around Wednesday and held strong through the weekend, with 25% of the votes. I mean really? Either (1) we have an inappropriate number of readers still in elementary school, (2) the Spider-Man movies have led a resurgence of comic-book themed Tighty’s or (3) 25% of my peers simply missed out on the evolution to the boxer/boxer brief (the latter still questionable in some circles).

I remember when I switched in 7th grade. And I will tell you why I switched - GIRLS! As soon as I started having girlfriends, there was no chance I was going to be caught in a situation where there was the potential for Tighty Whitey’s to be exposed. I still shudder at the thought. The male body is gross enough as it is - it certainly does not need to be further framed by white spandex lining.

The rest of the poll results were as follows: Celebrity Gossip, Mike’s Hard Lemonade, Hair Product, Soft Rock, American Idol. With Tighty Whitey’s finishing number 1 and my sure-fire top choice Hair Product finishing number 4, I can only envision a legion of men with Spidey’s and disheveled hair. And you wonder why it is so hard to take girls home from the bar??

I decided it would be pretty cool to have a poll running each week over in the sidebar. We will throw out a subject and you can tell us how you feel. For the first weekly poll I thought I would open it up to the masses. Leave a comment with what you think the first weekly poll should be about and I will pick the best submission on Sunday and post it to start the new week.

Some Ideas:
Favorite Beer
Boggs
Bud Light

How Did Your Saturday Night End
Passed Out
At the Toilet
With a Strange Chick
Booty Call

You get the basic idea.