As I sit here at my desk with an office running at about a 70 percent vacancy rate, the last couple days have really turned the week around for women. Sure us guys started the week on manly notes with the Home Run Derby and All-Star Game, then finished it off with the release of Batman: The Dark Knight.
But women have come back the second half of the week, as the anticipated premier of “Project Runway” was on Wednesday night, thus dominating all water-cooler/hallway/lavatory conversations on Thursday. And now my office is barely occupied by the few men who actually work here. You see, it’s the first day of Nordstrom’s Anniversary Sale. Women mark this day on their calendar like it’s their birthday, using a vacation day, calling in “sick” or just getting up at the crack of dawn to get a couple of hours of shopping in before dragging ass at work. Check out the chick stampede at the Downtown Seattle Nordstrom’s here in the picture…be careful, those Starbucks can be used as weapons!
Actually it’s been kind of nice, I’ve been especially productive for a Friday. But now I’m going to grab a beer and kick-start my weekend. Hope everyone has a good one.
The post includes a chart entitled, “The Authentic Women’s Penis Size Preference Chart.” Although not explicit, we’ll just assume this chart refers to their preference for sex, not just in general or for one act or another (read: blowjob). The chart has five categories: Ideal (Perfect), Very Satisfying, Satisfying, Enjoyable and Not Satisfying. The “Ideal” range is pretty much any pecker between 7″ and 8″ long, with a circumference of 6.25″ to 6.5″. Surprisingly there are some women out there that find a circumference of 7.5″ to be enjoyable. In comparison, the beer bottle at my desk (don’t ask) has a circumference of about 7.5″.
In discussions with Bill Brasky, we came to these conclusions:
1. Women might have a hard time (literally) measuring circumference correctly.
2. Women probably don’t know what circumference means.
3. The average women’s wrist is 7″ in circumference, so…
The best part about this article is the discussion that takes place in the comments section. It’s definitely worth a read.
Men are pointing the finger at “Sex And The City” again, and this time, it isn’t the middle finger. In a story today from CBS News, therapists are reporting that men aged 18-30 are turning to Viagra and other meds to please women. The reasoning is that women are mirroring their demanding and powerful slut counterparts from “Sex And The City,” which in turn is seen as intimidating and threatening to their men.
Here’s what the article had to say:
The men say today’s empowered women are very vocal about what they want in terms of intimacy, creating pressure that’s leading to problems in the boudoir. … And, the therapists report, the overexposure of perfectly-proportioned and functioning male models in advertising, Web porn and elsewhere, which can create unrealistic fantasies, isn’t helping any, either — making men feel even more insecure.
I watch “The Early Show” on CBS and judging by that sample group, I would agree; none of those guys are giving it to any of the girls. Julie Chen is hot too. Whereas, I’m sure there’s a good reason why Harry Smith has a radio segment called “Just A Minute.”
We here at tastybooze know that everyone likes to see a hot lady dancing, so here is one gorgeous girl for your enjoyment! (watch for the smokin’ hot Grudge move at 0:39!)
The Price is Right for boobs. This video might have worked a little better with the background music being Sarah Connor’s “Bounce,” but what can you do.
For what is probably the first time in the history of the world a construction worker’s wolf whistle worked. An Israeli tourist in a small New Zealand town was waiting to use the ATM machine when construction workers across the street began making cat calls. The lady decided she had had enough of their male chauvinistic behavior and she decided she would teach them a lesson. By lesson I mean that she stripped naked, used the ATM machine and then got dressed again.
“She said she had thought ‘bugger them, I’ll show them what I’ve got’,” Police Sergeant Peter Masters told NZPA. “She gave the explanation that she had been … pestered by New Zealand men. She’s not an unattractive looking lady,” Masters said.
Just when you ladies thought the days of the wolf whistle / cat call where numbered this lady comes along and gives every construction worker on the planet hope.
NOTE: That isn’t her in the picture. I just figured a chick in underwear would be good for the story.
Recently we posted a tattoo that was dubbed the Ultimate Chick Repeller. Well, as the most tattooed TastyBoozer, I felt compelled to bring you yet another example of a tattoo that, while not as bad as the first, is simply not going to help with the ladies.
I guess the reasoning here is that this tat would make the ladies go, “Boy, I really want this guy to go for me, I better work hard not to be a bitch so he’ll trust me!” Well played, jackass.
Your last chance to rank some skanks females is NOW!
The games begin tomorrow at 6:50am. The first battle is Victoria’s Secret supermodel Alessandra Ambrosia vs ESPN Sportscaster Erin Andrews.
My Pick: Ambrosia all the way. She is one of the highest paid models in the world for a reason. There is no way she loses this. Consider this a gimme and go fill out your bracket at KJR.
Join our league by clicking on the Office Pools tab and enter:
Pool Name: TastyBooze.com
Password: tastybooze
Other brawls tomorrow include:
7:50am Rihanna vs Allison Stokke
My Pick: Stokke. Rihanna will probably win, but I can’t dis my girl.
8:50am Kate Hudson vs Kate Beckinsdale
My Pick: This is one of the harder ones in the game, I went with Hudson because Beckinsdale seems like a cold fish.
9:50am Elin Nordegren vs Gabriell Union
My Pick: Another gimme. Nordegren (AKA Tiger Wood’s wife) is hot as shit and going at least to the final four. She once was nanny, has a twin sister, and likes golf. Hello honey.
So, these two women are computer generated ‘averages’ of faces of females wanting either to have a long meaningful relationship, or a one-night-stand.
Which face is which you ask? Does it matter? They look the fucking same!!!
The study, authored by Lynda Boothroyd and published in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior, was based on the responses of 700 men and women who were shown pictures of people in their early twenties.
Women are god-damn baffling enough. Now it’s a scientific fact that there is no way to tell if she wants to come back to the pad for a quickie or head to the Shane Company for a rock.
Also, according to the findings, men are more likely to obviously display the characteristics of our intention. Really? No shit? Is that because I’m drooling and have my hand down my pants?
FYI, the chick on the right is the one that’s more likely to be down for a one-night-stand. She looks a little hotter now doesn’t she?
If she randomly looks like your sister, I am sorry… and have her email me.
I am a realist. When American Idol got down to the top 12 contestants, I knew there was a very slim chance of Kristy Lee Cook winning it all. I admitted, she’s not the best singer in the competition. But she is the hottest.
KLC received some early buzz after her audition in Philadelphia of “Amazing Grace.” Slowly the hype died down - a couple shaky performances and bad song choices - and Kristy Lee finds herself on the cutting edge almost weekly. Now, it’s like people are against KLC, as she has survived the eliminations of some fan favorites - Amanda Overmyer, Chikezie, and Ramiele Malubay. Is Kristy Lee a better singer than those four? Maybe. Is she hotter? Hell yeah!
Even the Vote For The Worst campaign is supporting Kristy Lee. Well, she doesn’t need your votes, thank you very much. Kristy Lee has TastyBooze and we’ve gotten her to the top 8. Tonight, as part of the Idol Gives Back Week, the performances will be done using “inspirational songs.” This could be another good chance for KLC to appeal to Patriots. Either way, I bet she’s going to look hot singing whatever she decides, just remember to vote!
Congratulations to the Kansas Jayhawks. Rock chalk Jayhawk baby, just like I said. Truly an exciting game last night and overall a great tournament. But now that the Big Dance is over, it’s time for the Bigger Dance.
The Bigger Dance is an NCAA-style tournament of hot women, put on by KJR 950 AM, the sports radio station of the greater Seattle-area. This morning was the selection show and now you can go online and fill out your bracket. The 64 contestants are seeded and include a nice gallery to help make your selections.
Once the tournament is underway, match-ups are decided by listener’s votes. Every hour of the Mitch In The Morning Show, between 6 a.m. - 10 a.m. starting next Thursday, two women will face off for 3.5 minutes, as callers will vote for one or the other, most votes at the final buzzer wins (duh!). Fill out your bracket for a chance at winning some cool sports related prizes, trips and tickets. The site is also equipped with a “Boss Button” and “Wife Button” if you’re caught filling out your brackets at work or home. We’ll be doing some more analysis and predictions, so stay tuned for more Bigger Dance coverage.
Oh wait, yes there is. And a lot of it! Luckily, the tears last night were tears of joy for Kristy Lee Cook, who survived another week in the bottom three. Actually, after Brooke White was saved by Ryan Seacrest (Out), KLC was left in the bottom two with Ramiele Malubay, also known as American Idol’s shortest contestant EVER!
Ramiele has also been known as the crier this year. I believe at the beginning of every results show, you can see Ramiele in the background already crying. It’s like she thinks they are being sent off to the firing squad. Ramiele needs to realize that this is a competition, not everyone is going to win and if you can perform in front of the millions who watch American Idol, hopefully you can take a little rejection.
With that said, Ramiele took her rejection off the show pretty well. Although the extended hug from Kristy Lee looked as though she might have been trying to smother her out. Either that or Ramiele was doing a little motorboatin’.
Now eight contestants are left, four men and four women. KLC will need some quality performances in the next couple of weeks to stick around, she can’t keep relying on other people to blow it. Until next week…
This map here represents the single men and women in the United States. The bigger the blue dot, the more single men are in that metropolitan area. The bigger the red dot, “Hello, Ladies!”
The visual was put together by the fine people at The Boston Globe, which by my calculations, are all single women.
Also, by my calculations, we need to get the hell out of the West Side and hit up the East Coast. I’ve always heard the rumors about the sausage factories that are Anchorage, Honolulu and Denver (Menver), but I didn’t think it was an epidemic that was sweeping the whole coast. That bachelor party in Atlanta later this month is looking pretty good to me.
But women have come back the second half of the week, as the anticipated premier of “Project Runway” was on Wednesday night, thus dominating all water-cooler/hallway/lavatory conversations on Thursday. And now my office is barely occupied by the few men who actually work here. You see, it’s the first day of Nordstrom’s Anniversary Sale. Women mark this day on their calendar like it’s their birthday, using a vacation day, calling in “sick” or just getting up at the crack of dawn to get a couple of hours of shopping in before dragging ass at work. Check out the chick stampede at the Downtown Seattle Nordstrom’s here in the picture…be careful, those Starbucks can be used as weapons!
