Last week Tasty Booze readers decided beer was more important to them (55%) than their very own robot assistant.  Our readers may be biased, however, given that they come to a site called Tasty Booze on a daily basis.  So I am pretty impressed that the robot assistant even garnered 45% of the vote.  You have to admit, your very own robot would be awesome.  No more laundry, no more dishes, no more grocery shopping, no more tieing your shoes.  The possibilities are endless.

Moving on, and since tonight is the vice presidential debate, our theme is: stupid things that tangentially have to do with the VP candidates.

“Would you rather have to live where it is freezing and snowing year-round (Palin) or commute 90 minutes to and from work everyday (Biden)?”

Mitch Martin: “So you know it gets warm in Alaska during the summer right?”
J Diggles: “Shut up and answer question.  You’re not better than me.”

Baba Ganoush: “90 minutes of grueling traffic?”
J Diggles: “Half and half.”

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Last week you made it clear: Playboy parties are better than the Super Bowl.  They are way, way better - 82% to 18%.  I would enjoy both, no doubt, but you could technically go to the Super Bowl every year if you wanted to.  If you somehow sneak into a Playboy party, on the other hand, there is no way you are ever getting back.

But if you thought those two options were less than likely in your real life, try this.

“Would you rather have a full-time robot assistant or a lifetime’s supply of free beer in the fridge?”

Mitch Martin: “Do I get to pick the beer type and can it change?”
J Diggles: “Yes.”

Baba Ganoush: “Can’t I just send the robot to the store to get me beer?”
J Diggles: “Sure, but you better give it some cash first.”

Mr Wonka: “What kinda robot are we talking about here?”
J Diggles: “Don’t be inappropriate Wonka.  Think C-3PO.”

Mike Honcho: “What are the chances of the robot turning on me?”
J Diggles: “2-3%.”

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You would rather bring your significant other to the deserted island instead of your 4 best friends - 69% to 31%.  Maybe the picture of the hot chick in a bikini on the beach influenced you.  But believe me, that look would only last about 2.5 days before significant fighting/complaining and ratty shirts took over.  That being said, I don’t think I can disagree with our readers though.

On to a new challenge.  Apologies to our lady readers (both of you), but this one is a little more guy-centric.  And guys, today is the luckiest day of your life.

“Would you rather win tickets to the Super Bowl or Hefner’s birthday party at the Playboy Mansion?”

Mitch Martin: “Is my favorite team in the Super Bowl or just any old team?”
J Diggles: “I don’t know, it’s the upcoming Super Bowl, so if your team is good enough.  Besides, real men watch the Super Bowl no matter whose playing.”

Baba Ganoush: “Playboy…mmmm…I am drooling.”
J Diggles: “Ok, Baba, thanks for that and well done.”

Mr Wonka: “All expenses paid?”
J Diggles: “You know it.”

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Not even CLOSE.  Tasty Booze readers would much much rather cook all of their own meals than lose their remote control devices - 85% to 15%.  No more Subway, no more McDonald’s, no more Teriyaki.  If I couldn’t do take out I would officially never eat lunch.  I don’t know about you, but I am certainly not motivated enough to make my own lunch.  And probably only motivated enough to make about half of my dinners.  And having no girl certainly doesn’t help those percentages.

But onward and upward to more awful choices.  You are moving to a secluded island and never coming back.

“Would you rather take your 4 best friends with you or your significant other?”

Mitch Martin: “What if a chick is one of my 4 best friends?”
J Diggles: “That’s a no-go.  4 best guy friends in your case.”

Baba Ganoush: “What if you don’t have a significant other?”
J Diggles: “Pick one and hope she likes you.”

Mr Wonka: “Is there anyone else around?”
J Diggles: “Nope.”

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Nickelback is sooo bad, sooo hated, so f-ing miserable that you would rather wear sweater vests to work for the rest of your life than listen to it in your car.  That is pretty impressive given that Nickelback has gone platinum numerous times.  Someone has got to be buying those albums right???  Probably just my little sister and Canadians though.  Anyway, good call readers, good call.  I don’t know who the 29% of you that chose Nickelback are, but kiss your dating life goodbye.

Now today’s theme: Making Life Easier.  As a single male in his late-twenties, take-out food and the TV remote are essential to my existence.  So what would you rather forgo?

“Would you rather have to cook all of your own meals or give up all of your remotes?”

Mitch Martin: “You mean all? Stereo, TV, DVD, car door, etc.?”
J Diggles: “Yep, all remotes are gone.  Stand your ass up.”

Baba Ganoush: “Lean cuisine is still money right?”
J Diggles: “Yes, the freezer aisle at the grocery store works, but not the deli.”

Mr Wonka: “You realize this would leave me starving on the floor in front the neverending OnDemand channel don’t you?”
J Diggles: “In today’s world of 900 channels, I apologize for forcing this choice upon you.”

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Today’s theme: misery. It’s always fun to think about choosing between one awesome thing and another, but a contest of misery probably evokes the truer answer. So here goes. Don’t forget to vote and leave and clarifying questions in the comments.

“Would you rather have Nickelback on anytime you are in your car or have to wear a sweater vest to work every single day?”

Mitch Martin: “Can I turn the car stereo down and just choose silence?”
J Diggles: “No.”

Baba Ganoush: “What if I am something non-sweater vest friendly like a semi-pro football player or lifeguard?”
J Diggles: “If you are getting paid, you are wearing it.”

Mr Wonka: “No big deal, I love Nickelback.”
J Diggles: “Fine. If you actually enjoy Nickelback, you have to listen to those three Hansen brothers.”

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The Olympics have come and gone, and they were awesome. But no one was more awesome than Michael Phelps and Usain Bolt. So Tasty Booze decided to ask; would you rather be an Olympic champion in swimming or track? And you said track all the way. I thought Phelps and his 8 golds might carry a little more weight, but 67% of people didn’t care.

I think either way, you are pretty much going to be golden, literally. Both will get crazy amounts of endorsement deals, both winners won’t have any problem with the ladies, both are in the shape of their lives. But when you get down to the practical aspects of the talent, I think track speed has gotta be preferable. If someone is trying to kick your ass, swimming away likely isn’t going to help much unless you are on a party barge. If you are late for the bus, again, swimming isn’t going to be that awesome, but you might just be able to catch it on the run and hurdle some folks on the way. And of course, if you really have to go to the bathroom…

The Olympics are almost over and I have been inspired by Usain Bolt and Michael Phelps. The fastest man in water versus the fastest man on land. And with Michael Johnson’s 1996 200-meter record falling just yesterday, it is time to ask…

Would you rather be the Olympic champion in swimming or track?

Mitch Martin: “How does the medal count compare?”
J Diggles: “Just like Phelps with 8 in swimming and Bolt with the 100, 200, and a couple relays.”

Baba Ganoush: “For what country?”
J Diggles: “The U.S.A.”

Mr Wonka: “Do I need to do all that awful training?”
J Diggles: “Na. You just naturally have it.”

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I thought this one would be closer, but people overwhelmingly decided they would rather get caught having sex (doggystyle, no covers) by their significant others parents, then be caught watching porn at work. I just don’t know if I agree. They are both pretty awful, but you gotta pick one.

Sex Scenario:

Given that you aren’t really doing anything wrong in this situation, I can see why it is the preferred path of embarrassment. However, if this is a girl you plan on being with for a while, it is a lot to live down at every Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner for the rest of your life - especially given the position described and/or if the oldies are the religious type. Talking about sex with your girls parents is kinda like talking about taking a huge shit with your girlfriend. Everybody knows its going on, and going on often, but there is no sense in bringing it up.

Porn Scenario:

Let’s be honest, there is a good chance you will get fired. In my old job all our internet traffic was scanned by some program and periodically reviewed by an IT guy. Some kid logged a solid 2,000+ hits in a month to porn related websites and was promptly asked to leave before even being able to clean out his desk. His excuse was of course that he accidentally hit one site and the pop-ups went crazy on him. But 2,000??? Come on. So, ya, getting caught is bad. But think of the bright side. Maybe your boss is hot and this could be the first step on your way to that “promotion”.

In the end, I think it’s gotta come down to whats most temporary in your mind - the person you are with, or the job you are in. And apparently two-thirds of Tasty Booze readers prefer their job….

I’m bringing sexy back this week.  Them other blogs don’t know how to act.  Seriously though, this is going to be a tough one.  I really don’t even know what I am going to vote for.  Let’s just get to it.  Remember to vote and leave clarification questions in the comments.

“Would you rather get caught watching porn at work by your boss of the opposite sex or get caught having sex by your significant others’ parents?”

Mitch Martin: “So how bad is this porn.  Some softcore playboy pics, or the real deal?”
J Diggles: “The real deal.  Doggystyle.”

Baba Ganoush: “Are you doing it under the covers so you can at least cover up, or pretend it didn’t happen?”
J Diggles: “No covers.  Doggystyle.”

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Tasty Booze readers would rather watch TV in another language with subtitles for the rest of their lives, than buy each show iTunes Style. And by a substantial margin – 61% to 39%. Really? That just sounds miserable to me.

I guess if you learned the language it wouldn’t be so bad, but all the shows would still be dubbed in those terrible voices. iTunes is expensive after a while, but at least you might watch less TV and get to the gym (or the bar) more. And since I watch the same SportsCenter episode 2 or 3 times a day anyway, I could just buy it once and it wouldn’t be all that different. Your significant other would also be much less likely to want to spend that TV time with you. Since they can watch their own TV without subtitles, why would they come see The Hills or Dancing With The Stars at your house. Ok, so maybe that is a positive. But anyway, I would hate it. Seinfeld in German just wouldn’t be the same. I vote against the readers.

TV is one of my most sacred pastimes. I was only allowed one hour a day growing up. Which is of course why I only “read” and did “homework” in those 3 hours between when I got off of school and my mom returned home from work. Saved By The Bell re-runs and MTV’s The Grind didn’t count…

Would you rather have to watch all TV with subtitles or have to buy everything you watch on TV iTunes style?

Mitch Martin: “Are the subtitles just stuck on the screen on every TV you watch, or is the audio really in another language?”
J Diggles: “Another language.”

Baba Ganoush: “Can you learn the other language?”
J Diggles: “Sure, it’s German.”

Mr Wonka: “Do the iTunes shows come with advertisements?”
J Diggles: “Yes, just the like the regular show would.”

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I never vouched for Tasty Booze readers being hygenic. And good thing I didn’t, because they are not. You overwhelming voted to allow your hair to grow untouched for an entire year, rather than go without sex - 73% to 27%. I have to admit, they both sound utterly miserable. And I respect the “idea” of no sex being worse than long hair. But practically speaking, let’s look in to this.

Your Work Life:

If you are a janitor, concession stand owner, roadie, or blogger you are probably fine with the long/disgusting hair. In fact, it is basically required for three-fourths of those. But for the rest of the working world, you may not be what we call “presentable”. Lack of sex though, could create some interesting and innappropriate situations in the office. But as long as you can control yourself, point goes to hair.

Your Sex Life:

Well, this one is easy. At least one way you have 1st, 2nd and 3rd base to strive for. With nasty ass hair, you got nothing. Nothing. Seriously, you don’t have that much game to pull off the super pubes. Nothing. Point, hair.

Come on, go without sex for a year. You already did a 17-year stretch early in your career. It’ll be nothing.

Let’s recap. Tasty Booze readers would rather:

- Be allergic to beer over having their penis shrink an inch
- Go without their cell phone for a year over having to use dial-up internet
- Have to go on all 1st dates with their 8th grade hair style over 8th grade clothing

I like where this is going. But clearly we have strayed from the penis jokes for too long. So here we go. Remember to vote and comment if you have any clarification questions.

“Would you rather go without sex for an entire year or go without tending (shaving/trimming/plucking) any of the hair on your body for an entire year?”

Mitch Martin: “Are we talking just sex sex, or all hooking up activities?”
J Diggles: “Just sex sex.”

Baba Ganoush: “Can you just seep yourself in Nair and do away with it all?”
J Diggles: “Don’t try to cheat me. No.”

Mr Wonka: “Can you shave everything completely before day one?”
J Diggles: “Sure.”

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The masses have spoken, and I think they hit it on the head this time.  65% of you would rather have to go on all future first dates with your 8th grade hair than your 8th grade clothing.  8th grade was a while ago for me, but I dont really think my hair has changed all that much.  But THANK GOD I am no longer wearing white jeans, Cross Colours and overall shorts with one strap.

For Guys:

Let’s face it.  Guys go bald.  No matter how bad your hair was in 8th grade, I suspect most would rather have it than no hair.  Or at least that’s what Wonka told me.  And on top of that, a majority of guys didn’t really know what they were doing with their clothes in 8th grade.  Hence the overall shorts with one strap I referred to earlier.  And did I mention they were some sort of extra special stone wash?  Not that I don’t appreciate Ross Dress For Less, but that was my mom’s choice shopping location for my duds back in the day.  I’ll take the hair, even if I did sport the Vanilla Ice lines on the side for a time….

For Girls:

I don’t really know is the honest answer.  But I did got an inside tip from a lady that a girls hair back in the day was a scary, scary thing.  And no matter how bad the clothes are, they weren’t as bad.  But with girls, they can get away with anything if they are hot.  A guy might laugh at them a bit after the first date is over, but regardless of hair or clothes, if she’s hot he will call.

But since I am writing this, I win.  And the hair wins.  Ice Ice Baby.