Supersitious Cubs fans have the goat, the black cat, Steve Bartman and now Jimmy Burroughs’s Cubs tattoo all to blame for their team crashing and burning in the playoffs once again.
“I pretty much blame the tattoo for the Cubs losing,” said Burroughs, 26, a child therapist from Bloomington, Ind. “It kills me to have a tattoo that says ‘Go Cards.’”
That isn’t the final tattoo. The artist lightly inked in that “Go Cards” before going over it and filling in the bottom half of the “C” with red ink. The problem is that even after the bottom half of the “C” was filled in you could still read the “Go Cards” underneath.
I’m not really sure what this video is from, maybe rioting in Tampa after the Rays lost the World Series on Wednesday night, but a fan has climbed a light tower and becomes the target from the crowd below. The first bottle was just a love-tap, the second delivers the knockout blow.
And yes, I am a bitter Mariner’s fan. So what. But seriously, what if you were that guy with the window below the Yankees towel. It is all up in his shit.
We can all agree, getting hit in the nuts is usually the funniest thing that can be caught on a video camera - as long as it’s not your nuts being hit. Unfortunately, this Rolling Rock commercial was pulled from airing, but yet it’s still one of the best beer commercials to date. Please drink responsibly and remember your cup.
Once out from the oppressive administration at colleges and universities, those partaking in somewhat organized co-ed sports leagues are forced to come up with their own creative and usually offensive or crude team names. Co-Ed Sports are a past-time for the quarter-lifers and is even called out as #65 of Stuff White People Like. Girls enjoy the opportunity to participate in sports for the semi-competitive atmosphere or their boyfriends are making them do it. Guys love the competitiveness no matter how drunk much the other team doesn’t care and it’s also their last hope at getting discovered for the MLB/NFL/NBA/PBA/MLS.
Gone are the simple team names from your adolescence, like “Wildcats,” “Bears,” “[Local Professional Sports Team Name],” and “Yankees.” Balls, poles, bases, bats, runs, and scoring, are turned into euphemisms for male genitalia, male genitalia, female genitalia, male genitalia, fecal matter, and mom jokes. Put a couple of these together and you have yourself a pretty clever team name.
TastyBooze staff members have played in numerous co-ed sports leagues (current team is Wu-Tang themed, Wu-Tang ain’t nothing to fuck wit!) and we’ve come up with our list of favorite team names below.
25 – I Scored With Your Mom (Baseball/Softball)
24 – Freebasers (Baseball/Softball)
23 - Back Dat Pass Up (Football/Soccer)
22 – Multiple Scorgasm (Any Sport)
21 – Triple Penetration (Bowling)
20 – Masterbatters (Baseball/Softball)
19 – Suck My Kick (Kickball/Soccer)
18 – Long Poles and Deep Holes (Golf)
17 – 2 Balls 1 Cup (Golf)
16 – Kick Tease (Kickball/Soccer)
Sure, batters get beaned all the time. But an umpire? It seems to make sense. If you are pissed off at the calls he’s making, just throw the ball at him. Well, now it’s been done.
“So now it’s the bottom of the fourth, with Ethan playing short and Cody on the mound. The catcher is Matt Hill. There are no outs. The count is 0-1. Cody winds up and flings a very high, very hard fastball. Hill comes out of his squat, puts his glove up to catch it, then does a very funny thing. He doesn’t. Instead, he drops to his knees before the ball gets to him. Doesn’t even try to catch it. Just flops to his knees, with his head looking down at the plate. Never looks up or back. The ball, meanwhile, conks umpire Jeff Scott square in the face mask. Rocks him back. Then squirts up the third-base line.”
As the umpire, I don’t know how you prove you are being thrown at. I mean, the pitcher is literally throwing right at you every single pitch. Umpires, beware.
