Well, this was a close one.  Tasty Booze readers would rather go back to high school though, rather than live with their parents again for a year - 59% to 41%.  I think high school would be a total pain in the ass, but no way in hell I am going back to the parents house.  Now, it’s time for some Big Apple sports talk, kind of.  Thanks to A-Rod and Plaxico for providing us with such good material!

“Would you rather shoot yourself in the leg or sleep with Madonna?”

Mitch Martin: “Am I hitting any major arteries here?”
J Diggles: “It’s always a risk.”

Baba Ganoush: “Am I sleeping with the Like A Virgin Madonna or the current one?”
J Diggles: “We’re living in the present.”

Mr. Wonka: “Any chance I can squeeze some cash out of the Madonna scenario?”
J Diggles: “If you think you have the mojo.”

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In the battle of egregious possessions, Tasty Booze readers would rather have their own yacht than helicopter.  Helipads are relatively hard to come by I suspect, so this is probably a good call.  But I’d take either in a pinch. And for this week’s poll though, you may want that yacht….

“Would you rather go back and live with your parents for a year or return to high school for a year?”

Mitch Martin: “Can I still drink at home?”
J Diggles: “Whatever your parents rules are is fine with me.”

Baba Ganoush: “Do I still get to keep my job?”
J Diggles: “If you can work it around normal high school hours and homework.”

Mr. Wonka: “Can I just stay at my girlfriends house everyday?”
J Diggles: “Is that supposed to be better?”

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A good buddy of mine just bought a boat.  A lot of people say owning a boat is a big hassle, expensive, etc.  Well I never have owned one, so I don’t know about all that.  But I do know that it is just about the best thing ever for me.  And it also got me thinking about what the most awesome mode of transportation is.

“Would you rather own your own helicopter or yacht?”

Mitch Martin: “What kind of yacht are we talking here?”
J Diggles: “50 ft range.”

Baba Ganoush: “Am I paying for helo pad space and gas?”
J Diggles: “Definitely.”

Mr. Wonka: “Can I put my helicopter keys on my key chain and bring it into the bars for girls to see?”
J Diggles: “Yes, that is the primary point of having them.”

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We are nearing the end of the presidential campaigns after 22 long months.  Finally.  But apparently you guys would just assume they keep going because 77% of you would rather get to second base with Sarah Palin, than give a piece of your mind to G. W. Bush.  Personally, I would take the latter.  Sarah Palin frustrates me enough just watching her on TV.  I can’t imagine a whole night of frustration with her.

This week it’s simple.  Tasty Booze’s first presidential poll ever.  You could be the difference.  And remember to actually vote in real life too.

“Would you rather the next president of the United States be Barack Obama or John McCain?”

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The battle of beer vs toilet paper rages, with beer striking a decisive blow this week.  69% of Tasty Booze readers prefer spending their last bucks on beer.  Your ass may not be sparkly fresh for a weekend, but you will probably be too drunk to notice, so who cares.  I like your thinking.  One reader had perhaps the most brilliant idea, using the cardboard from the case of beer as your TP.  Again, too drunk to feel the pain.  Yes we keep it classy here.

Looking ahead, it’s time to stay focused on politics for the next couple weeks.  The election is near and it is going to be an epic one.

“Would you rather call George W. Bush and tell him what you think of him or get to second base with Sarah Palin?”

Mitch Martin: “How long do you get with GW?”
J Diggles: “As much time as it takes share all your feelings.”

Baba Ganoush: “How long do you get with Palin?”
J Diggles: “All night, but only second base.”

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Last week Tasty Booze readers completely pushed their friends aside for some good sex. That’s probably the right call, but you know you are never going to be able to hang out with the fellas again without a huge fight.  Choices, choices.

On to this week.  And holy crap the economy is bad.  It’s all we hear about.  The Dow is up 900, then down 700, then back up, down, blah, blah, blah.  Houses are being foreclosed on, your local bank is getting bought out, the government is purchasing large percentages of huge institutions.    Let me give you some advice, just don’t look at your 401K.  It’s not helping.

So it’s Friday.  You have $11.99 to your name and have no access to any other form of capital until Monday.  You are completely out of the following….

“With your last few dollars, would you rather replenish your fridge with your favorite 12-pack of beer or buy that much needed toilet paper?”

Mitch Martin: “I think i could figure out how to get both for $11.99?”
J Diggles: “Wrong again.  It’s a holiday weekend and every place is closed except one.  And they don’t sell the cheap shit.”

Baba Ganoush: “Can I borrow one or the other from my boys?”
J Diggles: “Negative.”

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Close one last week, but 55% of you would rather be like Joe Biden (90 minute commute to work) than Sarah Palin (live in freezing Alaska).  First of all, I don’t blame you.  And second of all, it’s odd that this reflects the national polls of the two top candidates these days.  Maybe Tasty Booze readers are a perfect sample of the American electorate??

Okay, on to this week.  So you just started dating someone really really hot.  She (or he) is a 10 and regardless of the rest of their flaws, they aren’t going anywhere for a while because they are just too hot.  Everyone is amazed you could pull this type of ass.

“Would you rather have this ultra-hotty really hate your friends or despise having sex?”

Mitch Martin: “Can she at least fake-like my friends when they are around?”
J Diggles: “Sure, but it may not be worth the fight that’ll come.”

Baba Ganoush: “Does she despise all sexual activities or just the biggie?”
J Diggles: “Let’s just say, since she isn’t getting much pleasure, it’s a tough sell either way.  But not out of the question.”

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Last week Tasty Booze readers decided beer was more important to them (55%) than their very own robot assistant.  Our readers may be biased, however, given that they come to a site called Tasty Booze on a daily basis.  So I am pretty impressed that the robot assistant even garnered 45% of the vote.  You have to admit, your very own robot would be awesome.  No more laundry, no more dishes, no more grocery shopping, no more tieing your shoes.  The possibilities are endless.

Moving on, and since tonight is the vice presidential debate, our theme is: stupid things that tangentially have to do with the VP candidates.

“Would you rather have to live where it is freezing and snowing year-round (Palin) or commute 90 minutes to and from work everyday (Biden)?”

Mitch Martin: “So you know it gets warm in Alaska during the summer right?”
J Diggles: “Shut up and answer question.  You’re not better than me.”

Baba Ganoush: “90 minutes of grueling traffic?”
J Diggles: “Half and half.”

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Last week you made it clear: Playboy parties are better than the Super Bowl.  They are way, way better - 82% to 18%.  I would enjoy both, no doubt, but you could technically go to the Super Bowl every year if you wanted to.  If you somehow sneak into a Playboy party, on the other hand, there is no way you are ever getting back.

But if you thought those two options were less than likely in your real life, try this.

“Would you rather have a full-time robot assistant or a lifetime’s supply of free beer in the fridge?”

Mitch Martin: “Do I get to pick the beer type and can it change?”
J Diggles: “Yes.”

Baba Ganoush: “Can’t I just send the robot to the store to get me beer?”
J Diggles: “Sure, but you better give it some cash first.”

Mr Wonka: “What kinda robot are we talking about here?”
J Diggles: “Don’t be inappropriate Wonka.  Think C-3PO.”

Mike Honcho: “What are the chances of the robot turning on me?”
J Diggles: “2-3%.”

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I thought this one would be closer, but people overwhelmingly decided they would rather get caught having sex (doggystyle, no covers) by their significant others parents, then be caught watching porn at work. I just don’t know if I agree. They are both pretty awful, but you gotta pick one.

Sex Scenario:

Given that you aren’t really doing anything wrong in this situation, I can see why it is the preferred path of embarrassment. However, if this is a girl you plan on being with for a while, it is a lot to live down at every Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner for the rest of your life - especially given the position described and/or if the oldies are the religious type. Talking about sex with your girls parents is kinda like talking about taking a huge shit with your girlfriend. Everybody knows its going on, and going on often, but there is no sense in bringing it up.

Porn Scenario:

Let’s be honest, there is a good chance you will get fired. In my old job all our internet traffic was scanned by some program and periodically reviewed by an IT guy. Some kid logged a solid 2,000+ hits in a month to porn related websites and was promptly asked to leave before even being able to clean out his desk. His excuse was of course that he accidentally hit one site and the pop-ups went crazy on him. But 2,000??? Come on. So, ya, getting caught is bad. But think of the bright side. Maybe your boss is hot and this could be the first step on your way to that “promotion”.

In the end, I think it’s gotta come down to whats most temporary in your mind - the person you are with, or the job you are in. And apparently two-thirds of Tasty Booze readers prefer their job….

TV is one of my most sacred pastimes. I was only allowed one hour a day growing up. Which is of course why I only “read” and did “homework” in those 3 hours between when I got off of school and my mom returned home from work. Saved By The Bell re-runs and MTV’s The Grind didn’t count…

Would you rather have to watch all TV with subtitles or have to buy everything you watch on TV iTunes style?

Mitch Martin: “Are the subtitles just stuck on the screen on every TV you watch, or is the audio really in another language?”
J Diggles: “Another language.”

Baba Ganoush: “Can you learn the other language?”
J Diggles: “Sure, it’s German.”

Mr Wonka: “Do the iTunes shows come with advertisements?”
J Diggles: “Yes, just the like the regular show would.”

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